tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72679091014299480782024-03-13T04:42:21.930-07:00Preserve From a Distance - for K-town SurvivorsThis is a mirror preserving the "From a distance" blog written by kharabsheh, sh. Nuh survivors for other survivors, victims, and their families, as well as others who experience spiritual abuse from
Sufis and other Muslims. This is knowledge of lives that can't be lost for those who are still looking for aid. You will find some help in the posts, insh-Allah.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-36253405810624964352009-12-14T23:15:00.000-08:002010-01-06T14:25:31.752-08:00Article on Spiritual Abuse from California newspaperThere is <a href="http://www.sacbee.com/religion/story/2387154.html">an article in the Sacramento newspaper about Christians involved with a controling pastor and their choice to FREE themselves and leave him</a>. Maybe someday there will be an article about people who freed themselves from Besa and Nuh and hedaya! Definitely read this. <br /><br /><p></p><blockquote><p>Looking back on how the pastor expected members to ask him for advice on everything from where to shop to what to watch on TV, Sapp keeps asking herself the same questions: Why, and how?</p><p>"It's not as if you join a church one day and promise to do everything they say," Sapp said. "It happens slowly. I would have done anything for the church."</p><p>Sapp was wrestling with the fine line between obedience and what is called "spiritual abuse," in which congregants follow the demands of their faith leaders to the detriment of their well-being. The dilemma isn't new, but the increased awareness is.</p></blockquote><p></p>Doesn't that sound like these sufi shaykhs? Read the rest of it and be amazed that the so-called "Islamic" cult of these Sufis is so much like the Christian cults that they escaped from.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-15451915614116882642009-12-01T16:50:00.000-08:002010-01-06T14:23:22.011-08:00Helpful articles about recoveryThis is a post from a Christian blog concerning people from a fundamentalist type of Christianity but I found it very helpful as a Muslim survivor of a spiritually abusive cult.<br /><br /><a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/2009/04/daughters-of-patriarchy-spiritual-abuse.html">The Daughters of Patriarchy: Spiritual Abuse</a><br /><br />Another article from <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters</a>, an excellent Christian blog. This is about spiritual abuse in the family. When you survived Sufis, you understand this is an important issue, because of the children being raised in these cults.<br /><br /><a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/2009/08/spiritual-abuse-in-family_01.html">Spiritual abuse in the family</a><br /><br />This is also from a Christian website, but it covers what we are told about quitting the tariqa-cult - that you put your soul in everlasting danger. There are some in the tariqa, and you know who they are, who say that leaving Nuh is the same as leaving Islam - they will takfir you for quitting tariqa. I guess he is their real god. A'udu billah!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/they_told.html">They told me if I left...</a><br /><br />The rest of this website actually has some pretty good articles that applies to our lives as sufi cult survivors. So <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/index.html">check it out</a>.<br /><br />"Get over it!" That is what the cult followers were saying to the survivors who were posting on Salafi Burnout and Umar lee's blogs. Here is <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">an article on what "get over it" means and doesn't mean</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight signs of an aberrational group</a> Not all of this applies to an Islamic cult, but you can read it and gain some insight as a companion to the BITE model.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=55&Itemid=7">The stages of leaving a cult</a><br /><br /><a href="http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/11/30/its-complicated-why-it-wasnt-as-obvious-as-it-seems-like-it-should-have-been/#more-3235">It's complicated</a> a post by a woman who was married to a spiritually abusive man in a spiritual abusive version of Christianity. I think people can relate this to Besa, Hedaya and Nuh, or even to their own husbands of the tariqas.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-19387280468344006942009-11-12T16:03:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.639-08:00a call<content type="html">I started writing these posts about 13 months ago, and I started to put them up about 5 months ago. When I started writing them, they were for my sake. I thought writing down my experiences and my witness would help me get beyond the Keller cult. Sort of a therapeutic exercise. When I started to publish them in a blog, I did so after I saw that others were posting their stories in random places. I thought that my story might do two things. One is provide a witness for people who were there, so that they don't think they were alone in recognizing it was a cult and finding much to dislike - even hate - about NK, UK, US, and Kharabsheh. The second was as a warning to people who might think this is something that will benefit them in this life and the next. There are quite a few places where you can get the pro-Nuh perspective, from his own websites to groups on "Fasadbook", where the murids aren't even supposed to be participating. There was no place where people could hear a different perspective, that the place isn't some spiritual wonderland, that these are not nice and good people, let alone good leaders.<br /><br /><br /><br />Several weeks ago, someone began to publish a blog with little sayings of NK, such as excerpts from the suhba, or things he said in the Latifiya lessons. More than anything else that has been put online about the cult, this is the blog that had people in Kharabsheh in an uproar. His own words were what provoked a response from them, and they were quite angry with that person, judging by some of the comments left on the blog imploring him to take it down and threatening to sue him. I even had it on good authority that Nuh himself had browsed the blog and this is a guy who never bothers with the internet. And that he was telephoning people demanding to know who it was. This is a man who pretends there is no criticism of him, that he is above needing any naseeha from the common people, that he does not make mistakes. This is a man who told us in the majlis that his parents "raised a perfect child."<br /><br /><br /><br />Why are they scared of his teachings? Aren't his teachings meant to be public? This is a guy who teaches that Islam allows for women to be beaten by their husbands and we need to "just accept that." So shouldn't they be proud of what he teaches and tell the rest of us to "just accept it?" What is there to be ashamed of? That they reacted this way should show us that they do believe a few things that they deny. One, that they are ashamed of what he teaches, that they know it is not mainstream Islam and definitely not palatable to non-Muslims. Two, that what he says is slightly crazy and can be used against him. Three, that he does not have the level of knowledge or taqwa that he claims to have. Four, that there are levels of teachings that are meant to be secret - for the initiated and not "for everyone" like they claim. It reminds me more of Scientology than what Islam is supposed to be.<br /><br /><br /><br />Did he say "send her home to her mother" about a woman who was watching religious shows on the shaytan box (TV)? Yes, he did. Why doesn't he want people to know about it? Just accept it. Is he ashamed of what he said? They openly disparage Muslims who watch television in the neighborhood, so what is the problem with that being known outside of it, if it is the right and good thing?<br /><br /><br /><br />People who go to Jordan spend thousands of dollars for the privilege. Plane tickets, visas, rent, food, utilities, and all of that. Some people out there might be parents who are thinking they are sending their children to a place where they will become more pious, more knowledgable Muslims. You are paying for your kids to go there. Some of you are leaving a job or taking months off from a job to go there and benefit your lives. Don't you want to know before you step on the plane exactly what is taught in Jordan and if it is something that you want in your life?<br /><br /><br /><br />All of these blogs, mine included, and the random posts here and there across the internet about the tariqa have gotten some attention. Mostly from the non-murids, some of whom are exploiting these stories for their own personal (and financial) gains, in my opinion. But I also know that there are people reading these things who are murids, who are in Kharabsheh or other places, I know that ex-murids read these things too. Most of what I know about the internet postings came from other people telling me, not from me finding it on my own.<br /><br /><br /><br />People like Amy, Fazia and some others also wrote to me with their own stories and observations from their time in Jordan - even though I have left no means of contact on this blog. People in general simply want to share their story. And the motivations are pure - to protect others who might want to join the tariqa or go to Jordan. They are motivated by care and concern for other Muslims, to spare them the heartache they went through.<br /><br /><br /><br />I think the question is, what now?<br /><br /><br /><br />After months, even years, of people complaining about strange goings on in the tariqa, about the bad marriages and ugly divorces, about murids being sent home on planes completely out of their minds, finally they have sat up and responded. But instead of maybe admitting that they need naseeha themselves, or instead of saying "Yes the murids have a problem, we didn't know about it" (which was always the excuse in the years past - blaming the murids for the excesses of the shaykh and his two women), the response now is "I'm going to sue you unless you shut up."<br /><br /><br /><br />So it is clear that they will reject the naseeha of the Muslims to rectify themselves. It is clear that they will make no move to tawbah. It is clear that they will do nothing to apologize to and make right the lives of women that were ruined in the divorces. It is clear they are never going to repay the monies that trusting people invested with them, and when they were asked to write contracts "Oh there is no contracts between Muslim brothers, do you think you can't trust us?"<br /><br /><br /><br />I realized a long time ago that there is no rectifying Nuh, Besa and Hedaya. They are what and who they are and they will continue to do what they are doing as long as they can draw in unsuspecting Muslims with money. Only Allah can turn their hearts towards Him in repentance and help them change their deeds. I do believe that at this stage, Nuh is totally convinced that he is as perfect as he and his wife say that he is, that he is above reproach, that he does not sin, that he has become like the prophet (saws) in that way. That everything he says is wise and true, that everything he utters makes sense. He is a man who is completely out of touch with the real world. His wife and her friend have their eyes opened. They know exactly what the score is, but why they do this, I don't know. Love of money and power can be intoxicating once you have had a taste of it. It must be hard to let go of that, to feel the shame of knowing you have ruined people. It's easier to ignore those tuggings of conscience and continue on, surrounding yourself with yes men and yes women who tell you that everything you do is precious and wonderful and godly and right.<br /><br /><br /><br />Those aren't your true friends, Hedaya and Besa and Nuh. Your true friends were the ones who tried to warn you, who you had ruined, whose reputations you trashed. Yes, they said things that were hard for you to hear, but they were your friends, because they wanted good for you, they wanted to see you correct your mistakes and continue on the path of guidance. And you know this and that is why you continue to slander them and even now making bayan against one of them.<br /><br /><br /><br />I do think that they all sincerely believe in Islam, so I wonder if it pains them at night knowing they have driven people out of Islam, and that some of the murids have become Shia and Imaili after having been with them. (I don't think there is anything wrong with being Shia or Ismaili, but they DO think it is a MAJOR misguidance, that is why I say that).<br /><br /><br /><br />But I don't think that they really believe that what they are doing is right, and that is why they have driven out their good murids who challenged them and questioned them. That is why they ignore the call to public mubahela from an esteemed shaykh. That is why they remain silent on their khalifa quitting them. Nuh Keller doesn't operate in public, for as many websites, businesses, blogs, and online academies that operate in his name and disseminate his version of Islam.<br /><br /><br /><br />By Allah, Nuh, Besa, Hedaya, Ashraf, and your people - the inner circle, the ablahs, the sidis - you should repent to Allah today, because you are not promised tomorrow. You are not above me as a Muslim that you do not deserve to hear sincere naseeha. Your mistake has been in thinking that you are better than all else. You are not perfect, and you are not of such high station that you can't be brought down by your own hands. The grandshaykh of the tariq sits up in Damascus and makes khidma to those who are lower in station than he is. He asks them for their duas for his sake -- he asks US to pray for HIM. He does not hold himself above others. Look to shaykh Shukri for your guidance in this tariq, and if you can't do it, then be honest to yourself because Allah will be honest with you and leave the tariqa life to those who can handle it.<br /><br /><br /><br />Give back the money to those who invested with you and wanted to close their investments out. Sell the properties if you have to do it, but those people, by Allah, those people have a right over you. Even in your own naseeha for living in Jordan, you tell people to make contracts between themselves when lending money. So you should do the same. But even without the paper, you know who invested what and how much in what venture. And when those people need their money back you should return it without delay. You have on your hands the financial ruin of several families and individuals. You have to answer for this on the day of judgment! Rectify it now, make tawbah. Don't go before Allah with this on your tablets! I am imploring you to do the right thing, before you stand in front of Allah as they testify against you for usurping their rights and taking money from their children.<br /><br /><br /><br />Ask Allah to forgive you for the things you told people and the games you played that caused them to lose their senses. One of those people was a mother and you knew she wasn't well, and yet you led her down a path that almost caused the destruction of her body, her mind, and her spirit. You encouraged her in ever more extreme spiritual and life ventures, and then blamed her family for it when she fell apart. How unfair you were to those children.<br /><br /><br /><br />Ask forgiveness from the women you slandered, who you said were dangerously close to leaving the deen, who you said were crazy and bad Muslimahs, because they had been divorced by one of your murids. You know that you made life extremely difficult for many of these women, since your murids, your followers who entrusted their spiritual life to you, have slandered these women outside of Jordan in their own hometowns. How can you? How can you accept such a magnificent trust from people and use it to send them into major sins? By Allah, Besa, Hedaya, and Nuh - I believe you will bear some responsibility for the sins of those who were slandering and talebearing the divorcees of your tariq, for they never would have run around calling those women crazy and bad Muslims if you hadn't told them so. Turn to Him now because tomorrow may be too late, yes even for you Nuh Keller and even for you Besa Krasniqi and even for you Hedaya Hartford. Not even YOU are promised tomorrow. All you have is TODAY to make it right with the Muslims and more important, with Allah. And if you have made the mistake of thinking you are perfect and above human faults and sins, then make tawbah again for this reeks of shirk.<br /><br /><br /><br />You have the power and know you have it over your murids. Do what is right by Islam and Allah and tell your murids to pay for the support of the children they had with their ex-wives. Stop encouraging them to skip out of their responsibilities. That you were angrier over that blog with some of Nuh's speeches on it than the woman who was writing blogs about how her husband refuses to pay her a dime at YOUR orders, shows me how little you care for children. You will take from those children's mouths as a punishment to that woman and all those women for being divorced and not being "good murids." You were angrier on your own behalf than you were on behalf of those innocent souls. Are you honestly okay with being known as the tariqa of bad marriages, bad divorces, and deadbeat fathers? More importantly, do you think Allah is okay with it? Because we know the other shadhilis aren't!<br /><br /><br /><br />The people that you forced to divorce - beg their forgiveness. You ruined them for no good reason, and you KNEW that they did not want a divorce. You told them and many of us that if we did not want to obey what you were telling us to do, we were disobeying Allah because all of these things, from divorcing to not supporting children, all of it came from "the shaykh's istikhara." So Allah told him and if we don't do it it is as if we are disobeying Allah Himself! Why doesn't Allah tell us if he really wants us to divorce or not support our children? Are you now the intercessors, the intermediaries, the priests? Stop with these things that are flirting with shirk. You are not the voice of Allah on this earth!!!<br /><br /><br /><br />Beg forgiveness from the men whose professional reputations you have harmed. That family - you know who it is, the one you said was driven by a giant ego - beg his forgiveness before you are begging for his on the day of judgment. You ruined him for the sake of your own desires, and then tried to cloak it in the words of asceticism. All of the men that you did this to, you should feel shame in front of, just for the sake of their children.<br /><br /><br /><br />Don't think that nothing you have done and are doing will catch up with you! Don't think that you can outstrip the justice and judgment of Allah!<br /><br /><br /><br />Every child you have hit, every child you have slandered (even children, Besa, are not safe from your tongue, mashallah!), every mother you reduced to tears from your tongue lashings about something you have no experience with (parenting), the child who claimed she was molested by a man YOU endorsed after you forced that mother's group to stop teaching children how to protect themselves - beg their forgiveness, make tawbah to Allah on them. The older children who tell us, the adults that they trust, that they can't wait to leave you and they hate the life you have forced upon them, the 11 year old girls in niqab, ask them to forgive you because you are planting the seeds of hatred for Islam and tasawuf in their hearts.<br /><br /><br /><br />I am telling you, enough is enough. Now is the time for you to do what is right. Make tawbah to Allah today and put an immediate end to the things you are doing. If it means withdrawing from giving bayah, if it means closing the zawiya and sunnipath and rayhan and sending people home, then do it. I believe you are sincerely believers in Islam, and sometimes we are asked to do the hardest things in our dunya to save our akhira. EVEN YOU.<br /><br /><br /><br />And I am relieved of my duty and responsibility towards you as a Muslim. You have received my naseeha and I am free from warning you away from your sins.</content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-82155340829132410352009-11-12T16:02:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.640-08:00To Visitors, Present and FutureAlthough my story is finished, the blog will be here to serve as a warning, a reminder, a truth.<br /><br /><br /><br />To the visitors from Jordan - and you are the majority of my readers - I give you a warm salam.<br /><br /><br /><br />I want to point out that I never once linked to the blogs where the fitnah was out of control and false stories were told about the sufis' practices (like drinking certain substances). I blocked comments so that those people who created trouble could not do it here. There is no dilution of the story, no distraction that you or them can create here. I will not provide you a space to discredit the women whose stories I have told. Nor will I provide people with a space that they can use to call all sufis misguided. I still believe there is a difference between a cult and a genuine tariqa, although my personal choice is to part ways with all tariqas.<br /><br /><br /><br />This is about human beings who were destroyed, taken advantage of, and abused. If we wished to do so, the ex-murids of the tariqas could fill blogs with stories of heartache. You have your sites where you can polish these guys up and make them look shiny and wonderful. You have amassed considerable financial advantages over the ex-murids -- usually through using the murids, ex and otherwise. You post a bayan or say a word and a person finds himself without friends.<br /><br /><br /><br />This is one person saying no to you, helping others say no to you, and calling upon you to rectify yourself with Allah before He rectifies you on the day when there is no shade.<br /><br /><br /><br />This is one person calling on you to wake up.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-60619072476737632782009-11-12T16:01:00.001-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.642-08:00sincere naseeha<content type="html">People whose hearts have not been sealed and who are sincere seekers of truth even when it goes against their desires, Allah gives them the truth. If you are led by desires, your heart will remain sealed. Desires aren't just about money or sex. It's power, it's for things to be done a certain way, for the status quo, whatever. Don't think you're not a slave to your desires because you call yourself a dervish.<br /><br /><br /><br />People who spread lies about the former murids are bad enough but those of you spending your Ramadan doing it are dipping toes into something you should shrink from. Think about it. Have some shame with Allah, because He knows the truth and you know He does! Just spend your Ramadan concentrating on sincerity with Him and He will show you the straight path, inshaAllah. So concentrate on your sincerity and tawheed for the rest of Ramadan, and let the dogs stay sniffing nether regions, like they're prone to.<br /><br /><br /><br />I again call upon Noah Keller to answer the call of public discussion from the Arab shaykh, who Noah claims has no qualifications. Let the matter be clear and on the record! Ask him to clear this matter up with the shaykh himself, with witnesses on hand, so that there is no doubt. There should be none to fear but Allah, and who is right with Allah doesn't fear the light shining upon him. You can <a href="http://www.shadhiliteachings.com/hesk/index.php?a=add">write to Noah here</a>, encouraging him to make sure that his words are recorded clearly and accurately in these and other matters. There is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to the public gaze or the scrutiny of other scholars, right? And after all, the shaykh has shown no hesitation when it comes to warning against others who say they are scholars or promoting debate about scholars in writing. Oh shaykh, bring your proof to him if you are truthful in what you are saying!<br /><br /><br /><br />None of them is above the call to enjoin the good and forbid the evil, and none of the Muslims are absolved from giving them this call when we see wrongdoing. If the other shaykhs choose not to do it - or if they are ignored when they give their naseeha, which has happened - then it should come from us, the commoners. They are our brothers and sisters in Islam, and they deserve the care and guiding hands of the Muslims, even those of us who are supposedly not equal to them. Don't fall into the mindset of the followers of other religions. None among us is without sin and wrongdoing. Not even them. Not even if he says he is without sin. Such words should raise in our minds alarms of concern for his state.<br /><br /><br /><br />I again join with those who call on Noah, Besa, Hedaya, Ashraf, and the rest to turn to Allah in repentance, because you are not promised tomorrow. You are not promised tomorrow Hedaya. Besa, your hour can end at any moment of Allah's choosing. Stop with your threats. Stop the abuse. Do you love Allah or do you love power? Please, go to Allah with this, and give up that which you cannot handle, Noah. Is this a test that you will fail? Or will you do all that you must do to pass it? I want the best for you, even at the end of all this. I don't want you to suffer the testimony of all of us that you have abused and wronged on the day when the words of the oppressed carry so much weight. Please think about what sicknesses you are imparting upon the murids, Muslims, when you teach them to revile and despise the sincere naseeha of the Muslims, and when you teach them to violate the strong words of Allah in the Quran when he forbids spying, slander, backbiting, arrogance, and abuse. You are leading these people into sin. Please, I am begging you - do what you KNOW is right, because you are not too good to have no shame before Allah.<br /><br /><br /><br />So, with that, I sincerely pray for all of you reading, including yes you in Kharabsheh even Noah and Besa and Hedaya, that you continue to have an amazing Ramadan full of blessing and opening from Allah. True openings.</content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-57937067619484636602009-11-12T16:01:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.643-08:00waht does the future hold?<content type="html">As I read through my journals, the posts that I have written but not yet published, and wander in my own memories with friends, I am coming to the conclusion that there is not much further that one can go on this road.<br /><br /><br /><br />By this I mean that after this, any continuation of the blog becomes a rehashing of the same charges. I don't see what the point is in recounting how pitifully brainwashed some of these people have become, especially when people are using that for their own ends. I do not want to feed the appetites or arsenals of the Muslims who want to use the misfortunes of Kharabsheh for their own personal, professional and financial gain. The stories are known.<br /><br /><br /><br />Continuing this blog would be like allowing them to continue to control my life. Keeping it up here in its original form is like encouraging people to gawk a car wreck. The purpose is served.<br /><br /><br /><br />You have been given the clues, the tools, the means to do your own digging and decide not only what is best for you, but what is best for the Muslims in regards to these people. The last three years have been stormy ones for the tariqas, not only Nuh Keller's, as people move away from their shaykh and tell stories of spiritual, sexual, physical, and economic abuse by Muslim leaders. So what are you going to do?<br /><br /><br /><br />It's time, I think, for the Muslims, especially our leadership, to acknowledge the existence of deen-based cults and the harm they are doing. Even if it is just a minority of the Muslims who are being affected, the ramifications are far reaching. We have seen how some people have left Islam altogether after experiencing Nuh Keller and his friends, and he is not the only shaykh who claims to live by the Shariah who has driven people from Islam. That one thing alone should be enough for all of the Muslims and our leaders to give pause and reexamine our ties to these groups.<br /><br /><br /><br />Wake up, Muslims.<br /><br /><br /><br />Who was approached? Everyone. People in the leadership have been talking about Keller for years, and other people have had problems with Yaqoubi since he first showed up in the US. But when survivors went to leaders for help, the result was silence. No one wanted to help. Many turned away. Some apologized in private, but refused to do anything in public. No one brings aboard speakers who are seen as being boat rockers.<br /><br /><br /><br />Like quilters, we have learned that we must patch our support together from what scraps, what resources we have available. Some parents and ex-murids went to a journalist. Most of us don't have that, all we have are our friends & relatives, and the internet.<br /><br /><br /><br />You can start a blog, a Facebook group, a ning group, a message board forum, or an email support group. Using social networking allows people to come together from all geographic regions and get support. <br /><br /><br /><br />If you write a journal of your experiences, it can be a big help. It doesn't have to be a blog, it can be a notebook. Just something that helps you make sense of everything that you lived through, and how you are moving past it.<br /><br /><br /><br />Stop financially supporting them. Don't weep over what happened to the people there and then turn around and give them your money.<br /><br /><br /><br />The embassies of several of our countries over there know about this already. They can't do anything about it, but awareness of harmful activities by citizens of their countries, directed at citizens of their countries is being raised. If you are in a position of being abused or you need help, the embassy can work with your family or friends in your home country to get you out.<br /><br /><br /><br />I dare just one of you self appointed Muslim leaders to be brave enough to get on a stage, to set pen to paper to do something to say "No more of this. This is not acceptable. This is not the way the deen should be taught and practiced." I ask just one of you to live up to the leadership titles you are so quick to accept. Your silence is approval for what they are doing. When you remain silent, you are saying that this is a valid understanding of Islam in the eyes of the Muslim public. Just because you have told some of those close to you to stay away doesn't mean that everyone gets that message. Do you fear these self appointed shaykhs more than you fear Allah?<br /><br /><br /><br />And to you, the parents, people who are considering going to Jordan, people who are losing a friend or relative to them - stick together. Find friends and share your sorrows. If we have learned anything from the last year it is that there are others out there who want to listen and reach out.<br /><br /><br /><br />Never give up on your relative or friend. Remember that the way they treat you and the things they are doing are under the influence - like an addict. Someday they will probably suffer severe regrets and heartache over what they are doing now. Always let them know that they will find a safe harbor with you, whether it's tomorrow or three years from now. Leaving a cult is a process that takes a long time. It takes a long time to free yourself from the brainwashing, and even when you are finished and through with them and recognize them for charlatans, many of the concepts and ideas that they teach you stick for a long time. Be patient with your son, your daughter, your husband or wife, your friend. Losing the cult in some ways is like mourning the death of a friend. Yes, it was a false illusion, but it represented friendship, spiritual growth, and bonding. Even if you know what these guys are, you are still sad to have lost what it pretended to be.</content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-53568638503916314542009-11-12T16:00:00.001-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.645-08:00to be clear<content type="html">I wanted to clarify something in the post below that is also a running theme, or something I had written about earlier.<br /><br /><br /><br />For me, this is not about revenge. I don't have any desires to get even with anyone. It's like they say in the recovery movement, you let go and you let Allah. Allah is more than able to take care of people who do wrong! But I'm frustrated because I know that other people in the ummah, shaykhs and leaders, have been approached by victims and victims' families who want some sort of help and nothing has been done. If these people that harm Muslims don't feel any shame because everything is being kept quiet "out of adab" then they have no cause to stop what they are doing or apologize and make restitution for what they did.<br /><br /><br /><br />If you think about it the idea that a blog or internet posting is "revenge" on these people is kind of stupid and must come from those who have no clear idea what really happened and how much was lost. Not just money. It wasn't just money that was lost. Some people lost their minds. Some people lost their Islam. People lost their husbands and wives, some people lost their children. You think a blog is "revenge" for that? That's pretty penny ante revenge. There's no "revenge" for this stuff. There's nothing you can post on the internet that would bring these people's family's back or put their daughter's mind back to right, or bring their financial stability back. "Revenge." That is the black and white simplistic mindset of the tariqa. That's the thing - those of us who are out are out because we have risen above that. Because we reject that.<br /><br /><br /><br />When it was months and months, and even years that went by and none of these great leaders wants to touch this, and I see more people suffering - that is why I made my journal public. A sister who used to be in Jordan told me, "You know, I bet other people would feel a little at ease if they were able to read your journal and know that they weren't the only ones. Because we survivors have to look out for each other." I want to point out that you didn't see me posting links to this on that "big fitnah" blog or the blog of the other man who was writing about Keller. I could have done that easily if it was just looking for some attention to get some "revenge". I didn't advertise my blog, and only my friends knew about it. Other people who were there, people who wanted to tell their stories. I didn't say "Hey, look at me! Look at this! I'm talking about Keller, get your juicy gossip here!" If people told other people, that's their business. For me, this was just for my friends, for the people who needed and wanted to know, there is someone out there.<br /><br /><br /><br />Only when I started getting dozens of readers a day from Amman did I post my calls, because then I knew, you guys are listening. And if you are an honest person, then you see what my call is. For Noah, Hedaya, and Besa and the others involved to make themselves right. With the people they wronged and more important with Allah. If it means selling the z building and not being tariqa people anymore, then do whatever it takes. If they repaid everyone who lost their money, I wouldn't benefit from that either. I just think they should do what's right. Do what it takes to make things right with Allah before the time comes that you can't make it right. Do I get any benefits out of that? No, I don't. I don't get any benefit out of Noah Keller turning to Allah and begging forgiveness and making repentance. Think about it. I don't get anything out of Besa changing her ways, and humbling herself. I don't get anything out of any of that. It's for <span style="font-style: italic;">their</span> benefit, and the upside is that no more people would be harmed.<br /><br /><br /><br />So let's be clear. This isn't about revenge, and I don't think that "revenge" is the motive for anyone who is doing anything, not the "big fitnah" blog, not the other guy, not the blog of quotes, not even the woman who put her ex's business out there. Not "revenge". Calls for clarity, for justice, for transparency. If you are right you aren't afraid to come out and put it out there. That is why I believe Nuh Keller should answer the call from the Arab Sufi shaykh and deal with that business in public. Then there can be no mistaking as to who said what - surely Keller has nothing to fear, right?<br /><br /><br /><br />That's all I want. For the truth to be out there but also, because our Muslim leaders have FAILED to live up to their responsibilities as leaders, then I felt, once I knew I had your attention, that I had the responsibility to be the one to tell them - please repent before it is too late. I am their Muslim sister. I want only for them to have good by doing good. I want to see Nuh and Besa and Hedaya and the rest of them doing the best thing so they have no fear on the last day.<br /><br /><br /><br />If you think that's revenge, you have serious issues.</content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-52912568675165373102009-11-12T16:00:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.646-08:00suggest<content type="html">I didn't intend to visit this blog again. Not just because it is Ramadan coming up but because I have told the stories in a way that they needed to be told and anything after this is people seeking what becomes titillating gossip about the hardships and abuse of Kharabsheh. The only way I'd come back and post again is if one of the men who was severely wronged - and some of them were hurt worse than the women whose stories I told - were to come to me and ask for this space.<br /><br /><br /><br />But friends told me word is spreading about my blog and some of my ex-murid friends have written to tell me that people are talking about this blog - outside of Ktown of course where you guys have been reading all along.And I've seen some of the comments or questions that people have had. Again, I'm not here to have a conversation with you. People whose hearts have not been sealed and who are sincere seekers of truth even when it goes against their desires, Allah gives them the truth. If you are led by desires, your heart will remain sealed.<br /><br /><br /><br />I would say that if you intend to spend your Ramadan lying about this, that is pretty sad. Think about it. The murid wife who was telling her story is being slandered in a major way - will you continue this into Ramadan, claiming she made threats or encouraged threats against other people's lives? Have some shame with Allah, because He knows the truth and you know He does! Just spend your Ramadan concentrating on sincerity with Him and He will show you the straight path, inshaAllah. Maintaining sincerity is harder than it sounds, because we naturally default to what we want, what works best for us, what will increase our prestige or what feels good, even if we have some feeling that it isn't really the best thing. Or worse, we tell ourselves that what we want is what Allah wants. Isn't that a type of shirk? So concentrate on your sincerity and tawheed in Ramadan. I will.<br /><br /><br /><br />So a few things from what I was hearing about the blog.<br /><br /><br /><br />1. This is not "complaints of women about having to wear niqab." The problem is that the niqab becomes the sole barometer of a woman's faith, her standing as a good or bad Muslim, and also, that Muslim women who don't wear niqab are portrayed as, well, slutty. And for murids who don't even live in Jordan to join in on trashing the Kharabsheh sisters is pretty rich. Some of you aren't even in proper hijab when the murids aren't about ot see you, and you know it. And so does Allah. In our preschool in the neighborhood the kids are taught that women who don't wear face veils are bad women, bad Muslimas. If you have't been to K, then you might not know this, but it is the obsession of the women and UK and US, I would say, as far as their control of the women. Wearing niqab is not the problem. It is niqab = all of a woman's faith and value. A woman is never asked if she made her wirds that day or if she stayed awake part of the night for tahajjud, or if she read a part of the Quran that day, but she is questioned constantly about her clothing and admonished constantly for her clothing. You need to reevaluate your understanding of Allah if you think that piece of material is the most important thing about a Muslim woman.<br /><br /><br /><br />I notice it seems to be the men who are saying this. Of course - you don't have to wear it, it's easy for you to tell a woman who has concerns about the niqab obsession that she's just being disobedient and willfull. (I thought we submit to Allah not to men and women). Maybe you'll rethink it if you ever manage to go to K and it's your wife or sister who is struggling and being called a show off who wants men to see her face and her reputation is questioned as if she is a street tart just for showing her face.<br /><br /><br /><br />2. As for "Well, Muslim women have to obey their husbands anyway," again, that is not the problem. The problem is that "nose in the dirt" is used to silence women who are being abused in their marriages, including physical abuse. Are you saying, o enlightened murids, that this is what the obedience of women in Islam truly is? That women aren't allowed to say no to abusive husbands, or leave a marriage where their murid spouse is downloading gay porn and maybe even having gay sexual relations on the side? Again, it's all men saying this, as if all men are righteous and the problem is bad women. I guess it's easier than I thought to drink Nuh's misogynist Koolaid from outside of Jordan! Is this what Islam and being in the tariqa has done to your heart? Truly, in the depths of your soul, do you think that the one true creator the supreme being means for women to suffer all manner of abuse and that if she tries to escape from it or speak up about it, then she is sinful for not keeping her nose "in the dirt"? Do you think the prophet (saws) would tell the woman who cried out or any other woman to shut up and take it? SubhanAllah if that is your Islam. SubhanAllah that your "allegiance" to Keller would outweigh your allegiance to the truth and to what is required of you in terms of the obligation to stand up for the oppressed.<br /><br /><br /><br />3. As for "this is only what the women say", that is simply not true. First, just because it is mainly women who are out here, that doesn't mean that these experiences have no value. And that is what you are doing. "Oh, it's only women." As if it doesn't matter if it's women, but only men. When it's men, then it will be important to pay attention?<br /><br /><br /><br />The problem is that, ironically, it is mainly only women who have been standing up to tell our stories. And those who don't go to K don't know who lives there and don't know who the "big murids" are. But please, do ask around about some of the murids from people who were in Jordan. Ask about the driver, the personal assistant, the man whose business was known and respected internationally, the man against whom a bayan was put up, the one who substitutes for the imam, the one whose relative was the reciter of the Quran in the z for some time, the elder Arabs. Why not find out where his own khalifa went? You brothers who didn't go to Jordan didn't even know he has one, and you say that you know what happens in Kharabsheh better than some women who just "didn't want to obey"?<br /><br /><br /><br />The men who have actually sat with Noah and Besa and who have served him in Jordan, rather than from afar are speaking amongst themselves. That is why more men from the tariqa are leaving overseas. If they choose to have a blog or something, that is up to them. And some men have written about the tariqa online, so be honest and admit that you know there are men who are writing about the problems, starting with those first posts on the blog back in January. I have seen posts online that I know were written by brothers. So don't try to say "It is just women" as if it doesn't matter when women object to something, as if women are liars or, say, mentally ill hysterics whose words are not to be trusted. Again, take a step back from the misogyny and think about what you are saying.<br /><br /><br /><br />4. Please, by all means, encourage your shaykh to answer the call of discussion from an Arab shaykh that Noah says has no qualifications. Let the matter be clear and on the record! Ask him to clear this matter up with the shaykh himself, with witnesses on hand, so that there is no doubt. You can <a href="http://www.shadhiliteachings.com/hesk/index.php?a=add">write to him here</a>, encouraging him to make sure that his words are recorded clearly and accurately in these and other matters. There is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to the public gaze or the scrutiny of other scholars, right? And after all, the shaykh has shown no hesitation when it comes to warning against others who say they are scholars or promoting debate about scholars in writing.<br /><br /><br /><br />5. O murids who never went to Jordan you should ask yourself why do the local Jordanians dislike the murids and the shaykh himself so much? Yes, they have some few friends but in the city as a whole, they are reviled and even cursed for their bad manners and for being tight fisted. And not just the murids but the shaykh as well. Where is the sign of excellent character upon these elite that the so-called laypeople do not recognize it? Shaykh Shukri inspires love and respect among the "common people" and they have love and respect for the murids in his care. In fact, he makes it a point to seek the duas of the humblest Muslims and is known to serve them, unlike Noah who absolutely not known for any of these things in Jordan.<br /><br /><br /><br />None of them is above the call to enjoin the good and forbid the evil, and none of us are absolved from giving them this call when we see wrongdoing. If the other shaykhs choose not to do it - or if they are ignored when they give their naseeha, which has happened - then it should come from us, the commoners. They are still your brothers and sisters in Islam, and they deserve the care and guiding hands of the Muslims, even those of us who are supposedly not equal to them. Don't fall into the mindset of the followers of other religions. None among us is without sin and wrongdoing. Not even them.<br /><br /><br /><br />6. For those who did not go to Kharabsheh, the word used in Kharabsheh is "murid." Not any other terms. Sometimes they say "dervish" or "darwish", and a few times "fuqara," but mostly the word they use and the word we used for ourselves is "murid".<br /><br /><br /><br />Again, I continue call upon Noah, Besa, Hedaya, Ashraf, and the rest to turn to Allah in repentence, because you are not promised tomorrow. You are not promised tomorrow Hedaya. Your hour can end at any moment of Allah's choosing. Stop with your threats. Stop the abuse. Do you love Allah or do you love power? Please, go to Allah with this, and give up that which you cannot handle. Is this a test that you will fail? Or will you do all that you must do to pass it? I want the best for you, even at the end of all this. I don't want you to suffer the testimony of all of us that you have abused and wronged on the day when the words of the oppressed carry so much weight. Please, I am begging you - do what you KNOW is right, because you are not too good to have no shame before Allah.<br /><br /><br /><br />So, with that, I sincerely pray for all of you reading, including yes you in Kharabsheh even Noah and Besa and Hedaya, that you have an amazing Ramadan full of blessing and opening from Allah.</content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-3645540122153305102009-11-11T21:05:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:06:03.831-08:00Cult checklist - BITE model of kharabsheh k-town<content type="html"><span style="font-style: italic;">this is 4 your sake. Some people who are ex-tariqa or currently in the tariqa had a problem with the bite checklist or any comparisons of the sufi cults to cults. Mostly poeple said it about the Nuh Keller group but also last year I was speaking to a fellow survivor and she said that this same model of the BITE and the cult checklist can easily be applied to Yaqoubi, the Naqshbandi groups (the many of them), and other problem sufi groups. Many of the sufi group, at least in the west, have cultish tendencies and practices, in her opinion. So take what benefits you and leave what doesn't!<br /><br />The people who were upset said said, "This same things can be said about the religion, so you can't say it about tariqas." In other words, you could apply these same negative things to socalled "traditional Islam" (the bigger cult) or to Islam or christianity, etc. so therefore you shouldn't say it because they want to hint that you could be making a big sin with Allah.<br /><br />I can see where they are coming from, but that is a terrible reason to try and keep people quiet. They're just trying to stop the criticism of their idols, their shaykhs, and the path that they have chosen. Maybe their choice isn't strong enough to withstand criticism and questioning. The tariqas <span style="font-weight: bold;">are</span> cults. Maybe religion is just cults that have come to be accepted by society, but the point is that if your faith is too weak to withstand an examination of negative, destructive factors that certain religious or other groups have in common, then maybe you should work on yourself instead of trying to censor and shut people up. Maybe you should rely a little more on </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Allah</span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"> and a little less on trying to bully people or on your so-called shaykh. I have read the BITE checklist many times and thought about it and I am still Muslim, so alhamdu-lillah, I don't think that it will make you have a bad thoughts about your imaan as a Muslim if you are committed to it.</span><br /><br />About 8 months ago, I received this checklist in email from a fellow survivor; it was written by another ex-Kharabsheh person as a means of examining and realizing what we had been involved with. Saying the word "cult" about the tariqa, or anything to do with Islam, was difficult. Partly because we believe that these are things that happen to other religions and partly because it is difficult to understand why Allah might give us a test of this magnitude. In talking to other former members, it seems that the moment we realized it was a "cult" and used this word was a momentous one. One of awakening, in a way.<br /><br />For some people, the reality of its existence as a cult does not take value from whatever positive or enlightening experiences they had in the tariqa. For others, nothing that was good about the tariqa can overcome it's problems. This journal which is now a blog is meant for the survivors, the parents, the siblings, the friends who are concerned about someone who is in the cult and are concerned about them. Who miss them. I want to reassure you that I do not think that a single person in the cult other than those who have pre-existing mental illnesses are in any physical danger or serious psychological danger. I don't think it is a Jonestown type of situation, and I don't think that the murids or the leaders would have people physically harmed. At least I hope they wouldn't! But there will be long term psychological, spiritual and financial damage for many people who go to Kharabsheh or who are otherwise involved in the cult. Others suffer financially, professionally and socially. There is harm and it's taking place. It's just not as urgent as poisoned Koolaid.<br /><br />One thing is for sure, until the members of the cult are at the point where they are ready to recognize it as such, then all of this is pointless. For example, when I made the choice to share my journal here as a blog, I wanted to share it for the sake of other ex-members, not as a means of trying to wake up those who are still in it, whether they are in Jordan or not. I think those who are in Jordan have a better chance of waking up, because you are in the heart of it right now. It's all around you. But as we know, it is Allah who guides and misguides one along the paths of life. You may be a Muslim who is misguided. Certainly, we are taught this in our masjid and in the tariqa itself. And I am telling you this and it is nothing you've not heard before. People who don't want to believe, who have turned their hearts against the truth, then no truth will be recognized by them.<br /><br /><br /><br />Originally, I had planned to post it back at the beginning, but then I held off while the story developed. Then my friend emailed me and said that the original writer was okay with it being used by any ex-murid who finds it useful, but that she wanted to fix it up a bit. She sent me back a "cleaned up" version of it and here it is for you.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> BITE Model Applied to Kharabsheh</span><br /><br />by Amatul-Hadi<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br />Steve Hassan is a counselor who specializes in dealing with those who are recovering from cult movements. In his book <span style="font-style: italic;">Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves</span>, he lays out the BITE model of cult control. <span style="font-weight: bold;">B</span> stands for Behavior Control, <span style="font-weight: bold;">I</span> stands for Information Control, <span style="font-weight: bold;">T</span> stands for Thought Control and <span style="font-weight: bold;">E</span> stands for Emotion Control. Hassan explains that the cult leader or leadership employ a broad range of manipulative techniques to exact total or near total control over their followers. I recommend this book to anyone who is leaving the Kharabsheh tariqa or any other destructive Sufi tariqa or who has a family member or friend in an Islamic cult. Until the day that our Muslim leadership recognizes and develops methods to recognize, deprogram and help heal survivors of Islamic cults, then there is no problem referencing the beneficial works of non-Muslims. This is even something that the tariqa itself teaches, as Um Khayr teaches people how to conduct themselves in marriage using the works of non-Muslims.<br /><br /><br /><br />Note that Hassan says that it is not necessary for every single component of the model to be present in order for the group to be recognized as a cult movement. My comments highlighting what parts of the BITE model I found present in Kharabsheh are interspersed.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Behavior Control</span><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li>Regulation of individual's physical reality<span style="font-style: italic;">, including: </span>"Where, how, and with whom the member lives and associates, what clothes, colors, hairstyles the person wears, what food the person eats, drinks, adopts, and rejects, how much sleep the person is able to have, financial dependence, little or no time spent on leisure, entertainment, vacations."</li></ul><span style="font-style: italic;"></span>This is true for the people in Kharabsheh and a few other places where tariqa bonds are especially tight between people and there is a lot of contact.<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>This is their distinguishing characteristic, especially for the people in Kharabsheh. They are told what to wear and what not to wear, women are sometimes discouraged from cutting their hair for “Islamic” reasons, as well as dying it or going to salons (though this sometimes falls on deaf ears). They are told not to eat at McDonald’s and such places. Some people he singles out for special attention are put on “special diets” supposedly to reduce their shahawat, or desires. Some of these diets are very very strange and difficult to live with. Financial dependence is a fact of life for those who work in murid owned businesses. Those who were courted or recruited because of money / professionalism reasons are seem to be attached to murid-owned businesses and ventures more than the average person or Qasid student / murid. Their livelihoods depend on these jobs.<br /><br /><br /><br />As for leisure & entertainment, this is forbidden or highly discouraged. Television, music and movies are forbidden across the tariqa, but especially in Jordan. However, even some of the "very good" murids are secretly swapping DVDs and watching YouTube and then they experience some guilt about this, or they end up having these "big secrets." People who sit outside of Jordan and say that only weak murids can't follow this rule would be surprised at the names in the tariqa who listen to music or watch movies and TV. Books waver between forbidden and not forbidden (he tells you the "best" kind of books to read), and people who have "too much fiction" on their shelves or the "wrong kinds" of books about tasawuf, etc. are gossiped about or reported.<br /><br /><ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span>Major time commitment required for indoctrination sessions and group rituals</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes, you have to spend time in "suhba" with him. If he comes to your town, you should spend your time with him; if you live in Jordan, you should attend his majalis. To not do so is bad manners. If you don’t live in Jordan, you need to attend the weekly dhikr or however often it is held. This is true in all Sufi groups, but they are known to punish or ostracize and "follow up" with people who are absent from their gatherings. The main exception is, these days, for women with children or women whose husbands are forbidding them from leaving the home. If there is no separate accomodation for women with small children apart from men and women without them at the latifiya, then the women with children are required to stay home. That is the worldwide rule for the tariqa, not only Jordan.<br /><br /></p> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li>Need to ask permission for major decisions</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">All murids, or at least many of them, ask him before getting married; many ask him what they should name their children. Some people do not marry except who Besa or Hedaya tells them to marry. Some ask him about moving or taking on a new job or leaving their current job and going to university. This is true in other Sufi groups too. With our tariqa, though, the marriage thing is on a level not seen in the Damascene Shadhiliya or any other tariqa except those who are rooted in the West. The shuyukh in Damascus have expressed dismay and disapproval regarding the marital customs of our tariqa, saying that it is not usual for a sheykh to be so involved in this area of a person's life and that it is an area that is meant for the dervish's parents and family to be involved in.<br /><br /></p> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span>Need to report thoughts, feelings, and activities to superiors</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Not so much, but you are encouraged to go to the big four to talk about your hard times and your struggles, which sounds completely benign and could be, were it not for everything else.<br /><br /></p> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li>Rewards and punishments (behavior modification techniques -- positive and negative)</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Big time in our tariqa. Those who are good or are otherwise having an "in", get put in <span style="font-style: italic;">khalwa</span>, isolation, which they’re told will bring them to the "next level" spiritually speaking. They get to live in the newly built apartments near the sheikh, or they get put in special rankings in their town. They may find themselves recommended for marriage to favoured murids. Although they deny the existence of the "inner circles" it exists in Jordan and in some of the other cities, and every murid knows this. Those who are bad, who do not obey, who do not conform or are in some other way "undesirable", are snubbed, shunned, and eventually blacklisted. Women are subject to intense gossip which is spread about them online, mainly of the sort that they are mentally ill. </p><ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li>Individualism discouraged; "group think" prevails</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">I believe this is could be the hallmark of our tariqa, even outside of the Jordan group. You are encouraged to think a certain way and have the same opinions on different issues. Conveniently, Sunnipath.com is set up to tell us all how to understand and follow Islam. Over the years, we have been discouraged, subtly and not so subtly, to stop following some of the sheykhs in fiqh, something that has hurt and angered those outside of the tariqa.<br /><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">You are encouraged to seek out its teachers, your muqaddams and others to make sure that you have the "right" thoughts and dress. If the sheykh expresses pleasure about something, murids will run out to copy it, be it food or a book. And if he expresses displeasure, we run out to rid ourselves of it as well, as though following this man's likes and dislikes in food or home decor will give us entry to Jannat al Firdaus. Sometimes, as a means of showing us favour, one of the big four would mention to us something that they liked or didn't like in a more private setting, the implication being that they were showing us some favourable advantage by telling us something they like or dislike that we could implement or get rid of and thereby gain spiritual advantage over our peers.<br /><br /></p> <ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Rigid rules and regulations</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">I think this is well established. First, there is an entire manual available for the tariqa as a whole, if not several (one of which is out of print I think). Second, there is an additional manual meant for those who are coming to Kharabsheh. In addition to this, there are many rules that are relayed verbally, in the durus, over the internet on the suhba lists, or via personal communication. At all times, you are told that to follow these rules of the sheykh and his wife is to please Allah.<br /><br /></p> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li>Need for obedience and dependency</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">It is all about getting into Jannat because you obeyed him and thereby pleased Allah. They are known to tell you "the sheykh's istikharah said such and so" as a means of convincing you to undertake something, be it a marriage or divorce or what have you. This gives you the illusion that if you do not do what they are telling you to do, you are literally disobeying Allah, and is giving rise to the hereforto unstated belief that Allah speaks through him - and I say Astaghferullah. <o:p></o:p></p><h3><a id="Information_Control" name="Information_Control"></a><span class="editsection"><span></span></span><span><span class="mw-headline">Information Control</span><o:p></o:p></span></h3> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span>Use of deception</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">I believe this is true. Many of us believed the sheykh was an ijazah bearing authority in fiqh, which he is not. This is something literally thousands of Muslims believe! There is the more general deception of the tariqa being portrayed as something it absolutely is not, in the end. Of course, many stories are floated around the suhba groups or the neighbourhood in Kharabsheh to put out misinformation about a murid who has fallen from favour.<br /><br /></p> <ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Deliberately holding back information, distorting information to make it more "acceptable," "outright lying."</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">I believe this is true on an Islamic sense, as well as a more general sense. The same as above.<br /><br /></p> <ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Access to non-cult sources of information minimized or discouraged</span></li><li style="font-weight: bold;">Media (books, articles, newspapers, magazines, TV, radio), critical information, former members, keep members so busy they don't have time to think and check things out.</li><li style="font-weight: bold;">Hassan also makes mention of communication with former members being forbidden or discouraged.<br /><br /></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">The hallmark. These things are a “waste of time” and it is not pleasing to Allah for you to read the paper or watch the news. You are not supposed to read books written by other than his approved list (including fiction books, but most people disregard this openly). You cannot get any Islamic knowledge from other than those he approves of, even other sheykhs in the same tariq, and including parenting information, even though he has no children. Very famously, many of us tossed out or gave away all of our Sheykh Hamza materials when he told us to, and that had led to a well-known rift between the Muslims in some places. People who read news, etc. are seen as not spiritually striving, touched by the dunya, etc. This is true all over the world, depending on the tariqa's standing in that city and how close a murid is to the latifiya group.</p><p class="MsoNormal">As for communicating with former members, this is well known and apparent in what is going on today. People who leave the tariqa are vilified to the point where people have left friends they have had for longer than they were in the tariqa. They also fear that if it is known they remain in touch with someone who has left him, then they will be kicked out.<br /><br /></p><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Compartmentalization of information; Outsider vs. Insider doctrines: </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span><span style="font-family: ';font-size:7pt;';"></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">"Information is not freely accessible, information varies at different levels and missions within pyramid, leadership decides who "needs to know" what and when."</span></li></ul>Again, this is the hallmark of our tariqa. We are set against other tariqas, other sheykhs and other Muslims, such as the aforementioned incident some years ago when we were told to stop taking any knowledge from Sheykh Hamza (I think that this has been modified somewhat). The exception seems to be taking knowledge about marital conduct from non-Muslims and of course, "useful information" (as Besa calls it) such as business knowledge, professional knowledge and that sort of thing.<br /><br /><ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span>Spying on other members is encouraged including: <span style="font-weight: bold;">"Pairing up with "buddy" system to monitor and control, reporting deviant thoughts, feelings, and actions to leadership, individual behavior monitored by whole group."</span></li></ul>Yes, this is well known in Kharabsheh and elsewhere. Very rare is the murid who has not been tattled on or had someone sent round their flat to have tea (the intent being to check up on the inner workings of their home, their possessions, and so forth). It is not so much a "buddy system" as Hassan calls it, but nonetheless, murids are encouraged to tattle on their friends and enemies and many of the murids behave as what are known as "frenemies." <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li>Extensive use of cult generated information and propaganda</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">They are getting better at this with their recent websites, with the jewel in the crown being the spath website. They have been disseminating their tapes and now CDs to members through semi-exclusive channels for years, although this website now has some materials available to the general public. They also have a private website where they are told to download and listen to all of his audios. People outside of Jordan listen to these things at their weekly or monthly gathering.<br /><br /></p> <ul><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Unethical use of confession, including: "Information about "sins" used to abolish identity boundaries, past "sins" used to manipulate and control (no forgiveness or absolution)."</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Not in public. However, sometimes people confess things privately in email or conversation that is then repeated or sent to other people in the neighbourhood, so that then everyone knows about someone's problem or issues. In this way a person is ostracised from their friends and the general company and can be moved "out of the way".<br /><br /></p> <h3><a id="Thought_Control" name="Thought_Control"></a><span class="editsection"><span></span></span><span><span class="mw-headline">Thought Control</span><o:p></o:p></span></h3> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span>Need to internalize the group's doctrine as "Truth", such as: <span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span><span style="font-family: ';font-size:7pt;';"></span></span></span>"Adopting the group's map of reality as "Reality" (<a title="Map-territory relation" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Map-territory_relation">Map = Reality</a>), Black and White thinking, Good vs. Evil, Us vs. Them (inside vs. outside)."</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes. Not only about Islam, but about tasawuf, and then ultimately, our tariqa as the "only true Shadhilis". This is increasing in the past years, especially after Sheykh Shaghouri passed away, rahimullah, and the rift with the rest of the tariqa sheykhs in Damascus.<br /><br /></p><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Use of "loaded" language (for example, "thought-terminating clichés"). Words are the tools we use to think with. These "special" words constrict rather than expand understanding, and can even stop thoughts altogether. They function to reduce complexities of experience into trite, platitudinous "buzz words."</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes, this is well, well known. He takes the words of Islam and tasawuf and uses them to achieve these things.<br /><br /></p> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span>Only "good" and "proper" thoughts are encouraged.</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes.</p> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span>Use of hypnotic techniques to induce altered mental states</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes, and some may take issue with this because it all falls under the rubric of "Sufi practises and rituals," but it is being done nonetheless, every Wednesday and Friday for starters.<br /><br /></p><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Manipulation of memories and implantation of false memories</span></li></ul><p class="MsoNormal">Not that I am aware of as far as implanting false memories. However, I would say there is definitely maniuplation of people as far as what they recall about specific incidents or even things like their own marriages, including their feelings about those things.<br /><br /></p> <ul><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Use of thought-stopping techniques, which shut down "reality testing" by stopping "negative" thoughts and allowing only "good" thoughts</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Other than standard Islamic practises meant to keep the whispers of shaytan away, I am not aware of this being used in the tariqa.<br /><br /></p> <ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism. No critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy seen as legitimate</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Absolutely. After the rift with Damascus a few years ago, mention of the Damascene sheykhs prompted sneers or "who is that individual?" questions with arched eyebrows. Brothers who have attempted constructive criticism and critical questioning about business practises and other things in the tariqa have been kicked out. We are taught to think of him as perfect, and he himself says that he does not commit sins. He says that a directive from his wife should be considered as a directive from himself and is therefore to be obeyed by all murids. His wife has spent a lot of time complaining to the murids that they are not obeying her.</p> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li>No alternative belief systems viewed as legitimate, good, or useful</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Absolutely. Of course, some may say that this is true of Islam as a whole, but for us, even other sheykhs in our own tariqa are seen as illegitimate, let alone those who have no tariqa at all. <o:p></o:p></p><h3><a id="Emotional_Control" name="Emotional_Control"></a><span class="editsection"><span></span></span><span><span class="mw-headline">Emotional Control</span><o:p></o:p></span></h3> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li>Manipulate and narrow the range of a person's feelings.</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">This seems to be more with the women than with the men. Definitely the women were strongly pushed and taught to suppress their feelings about issues relating to their marriages, such as if they were unhappy in Jordan, if they felt their husbands were inattentive or were otherwise unhappy or if they were abused. We were taught that these things should not be talked about or discussed with friends, and especially not with relatives such as mothers. <br /><br /></p><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Make the person feel that any problems are always their fault, never the leader's or the group's.</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes. Anyone who struggles with their directives, from marriage and divorce through the way they educate their children, and how they eat is made to think that this is their shaytan and their hawa speaking, and not the perfect sheykh. He never, ever makes a mistake and you are never to question what he or his wife tell you to do. Even people who question their parenting directives are made to feel that it is their fault for being evil enough to question, and not legitimate to question that they don’t know anything about raising kids.<br /><br /></p><ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li>Excessive use of guilt: identity guilt (who you are, not living up to your potential, your family, your past, your affiliations, your thoughts, feelings, actions), social guilt, historical guilt.</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes of course this is present - that is why you need him!<br /><br /></p> <ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Excessive use of fear: fear of thinking independently, fear of the "outside" world, fear of enemies, fear of losing one's "salvation", fear of leaving the group or being shunned by group, fear of disapproval.</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes, so much so that even some people who have quit the tariqa because of the behaviour of the big four and their friends still think that he holds their keys to Jannat. People outside of the tariqa are misguided and too much time with them could lead you astray. We strive to win the approval of the big four, because they tell us many times that they are our leaders to the akhirah.<br /><br /></p> <ul style="font-weight: bold;"><li>Extremes of emotional highs and lows.</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes, this happens, but depending on your situation in the tariqa. I don't think it happens very much for the average person.<br /><br /></p> <ul><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ritual and often public confession of "sins".</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">No, this is not done in public and was not encouraged at all as it is in other cults. However, people are told they can confess their problems and sins to the big four, and the two women in particular take pleasure in revealing to an individual that they know all about their "secrets" such as having DVDs or whatever - which they are told by those who have engaged in spying and tattling. Sometimes these sins or problems are revealed in a semi-public setting.<br /><br /></p> <ul><li><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Symbol;"><span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Phobia indoctrination: inculcating irrational fears about ever leaving the group or even questioning the leader's authority. The person under mind control cannot visualize a positive, fulfilled future without being in the group. Including: No happiness or fulfillment "outside"of the group, terrible consequences will take place if you leave: "hell"; "demon possession"; "incurable diseases"; "accidents"; "suicide"; "insanity"; "10,000 reincarnations"; etc. Also, shunning of leave takers. Fear of being rejected by friends, peers, and family. There is never a legitimate reason to leave. From the group's perspective, people who leave are: "weak;" "undisciplined;" "unspiritual;" "worldly;" "brainwashed by family, counselors;" seduced by money, sex, rock and roll.</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes of course. Many people who leave are "blackballed", which means you don't talk to them or do business with them. All of the above things are said about us - that we are worldly and unspiritual, misguided in Islam and mentally ill. Sometimes if someone leaves the implication is that the person is straying from Islam as a whole. And some have. Allah has seen fit to reveal the reality to those who are knowledgable and sincere enough to ask him continuously for the truth, even when it hurts. And it is never too late to leave the destruction of this tariqa-cult behind. Even if it costs your marriage or your money, the freedom that you have spiritually and mentally cannot be compared, not to mention the knowledge that you are leaving behind misguidance. Ask Him, always, to lead you straight, and away from misguidance and harm. Accept that He tests you.<br /><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p></div></div></content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-9461592584401371752009-11-11T17:17:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:08:31.781-08:00Fazia speaks<content type="html">Word has spread about this project of mine, beyond my network of friends. I want to extend a special welcome to everyone reading from Kharabsheh Jordan.<br /><br /><br /><br />If you remember, I wrote about <a href="http://umm-ah.blogspot.com/2009/06/end-of-road.html">a friend of mine named Amy</a>. Even though Amy left Islam after leaving the tariq and divorcing her husband, I am still in touch with her. So she wrote to me after the last post and said that a friend of hers, Fazia, wanted to write her "testimonial" on the blog. She sent it to Amy and Amy sent it to me. She allowed Amy to tell me her real name, and I do remember this person as someone who lived in Kharabsheh. Fazia is not her real name. Anyway, here is her story, and I have to warn you it's a little long. I was going to post it in part 1, part 2, etc but I decided against that. I only edited it for spelling, to make it uniform with my American spellings, and for punctuation and my trademark, "once upon a time." (Because these are our stories.) Just because I am including it here doesn't mean that I agree with everything she says. I am saying that her story should be heard, especially from those of you who least want to hear it - the ones in Kharabsheh. Don't turn away now.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Fazia's Story</span><br /><br /><br /><br />Once upon a time --<br /><br /><br /><br />I came to Jordan to study Arabic, and planned to be there for about 9 months or a few months longer if I could get the money to stay for a year. I lived in a flat with other unmarried women who were in Jordan for Qasid or to study with the shaykh. Like everyone else, I felt it was such a big baraka to be in Jordan and be around these great people of himmah.<br /><br /><br /><br />The first problems for me began after a few months. I would attend all of the dars of the shaykh in English, as well as the hadras. When I was able to, I would attend the lessons of Um Khayr and Um Sahl, and the hizbul-bahr in the afternoons. I was very much a part of the zawiya life, it was the center of my life, more than Qasid I would say.<br /><br /><br /><br />In the beginning I didn't have much of a problem wearing the niqab. I had a little bit of a harder time with the color rules, but I got over it soon enough. One murid used to say that the nour on the face of the murids after a hadra or session with the shaykh was so bright that if the women weren't covered, the brothers would find themselves powerfully attracted to us. As strange as that sounds now, it made some sense at that time, because like most murids who were from the UK or America, I didn't question the niqab rule before I got there. To say that we were developing nour and that was the reason why seemed to be in line with what we were to expect from our time in Jordan.<br /><br /><br /><br />We initially had a flatmate who wasn't a murid, and she had a very hard time with it all. She didn't like Um Sahl and that created friction with some of us because we thought, "What's not to like, then?" Shaykh had said that Um Sahl was the authority of the women and anything she said to you was as a word from him, so for her not to like Um Sahl felt like she was against the shaykh. She also did not wear the niqab unless she was going to the hadra. At that time, it wasn't an iron clad rule for the Qasid students to wear it unless they were murids, but it was "encouraged" for them to do so. Many people hoped / expected that the other Qasid students would naturally become murids. She mostly kept her opinions to herself, and she did attend the hadras in the beginning of her stay. After a short time, the situation between her and the two ladies was too tense and she stopped coming to the hadra. Our flatmates also had some tension with her.<br /><br /><br /><br />When she decided it was time to go home, I helped her pack. She was under some pressure, and she told me all of her opinions on the tariq. I didn't say much, I just let her vent. I didn't feel the defensiveness and anger that I had felt when she first got into it with Um Sahl.<br /><br /><br /><br />After she left, things felt peaceful and "back to normal" for us. But then I started to notice things. Like how the niqab wasn't about our "nour" but about us being walking sex objects. The rules, at that time, became much stricter about clothes. Even to have your pants peek from the bottom of your abaya was frowned on. I didn't think a normal man could get turned on by this. I started to feel like I was being controlled and suffocated and that as a woman it was what I should expect and what I deserved in the name of Allah.<br /><br /><br /><br />This blog has already covered some of the rules about women, and I'm not going to do that.<br /><br /><br /><br />I realized, I would not wear the niqab on my own. I did not feel that it was a necessary thing. In all of my life, even being in Muslim countries where one can generally wear the niqab without a lot of stares or harassment, I didn't wear it and to that date (or even to today) a man has never lost control of himself sexually at the sight of me. I hated the way that the Jordanians made jokes about us in Khawaja's and Mo'aidh's or in the street. I hated the way that the taxi drivers would say "Oh more Kharabsheh" and curse Kharabsheh people for being cheap and snobby. Even in the malls in West Amman, people would know who we were and make jokes or say things about us, even in English.<br /><br /><br /><br />I began to see that the people in Jordan did not like us, did not welcome us. I actually did have a conversation with a nice young woman who spoke English in the mall near Qasid and I asked her, "Why does it seem like people in Amman don't like us?" She said, "Well there are many complaints about you. That you are unfair to the taxi drivers and don't tip them. Many Jordanians don't give big tips either, but we usually do give a little something, especially for the taxi driver. They feel like you think you are better than us. Also, some of the women come into the malls or in the stores and expect people to speak English to them, rather than trying to speak Arabic. You come to our country you should learn our language." She seemed embarassed to have to tell me these things but as the conversation continued, she also seemed a little angry. She told us that the locals called us "the Nuh people", "the American sufis" and that they all called Kharabsheh "hay al ajanib," or the foriegner's neighborhood -but in a sarcastic way.<br /><br /><br /><br />She lived in Sports City and told me that there have been stories between the Arabs about men and women from Kharabsheh meeting outside the neighborhood, kissing in alleyways and things like that. Even if you are married in Jordan, you don't kiss or do these things outside of your home. She told me a story that happened shortly before I came about a woman dressed like a murid who had taken a taxi with a man that might have been her husband. When he dropped her off - only one block from the zawiya - she leaned over and kissed the man and not in a brother-sister sort of way. The man did not get out of the car, and the taxi drove away. There were Jordanian people who saw this and they were very upset and this lady told me that the story was all over Medina Riyadiya as an example of "the Nuh people" coming in and doing whatever they liked in Jordan with no regard to the feelings of the people who live there.<br /><br /><br /><br />Even though I did not do these things and I never saw anyone do those sort of things, I was very embarassed because many of the murids did not have good feelings towards the Jordanians. They believed that they were bad Muslims, that they were not as good as us in Islam, they were less intelligent, that they were all money hungry and there for our service. But yet we were the guests in their country.<br /><br /><br /><br />So I started to see the murids from a different view, not as exemplars of the prophetic character, but as stuck up snobs or some of us as stuck up snobs.<br /><br /><br /><br />Um Khayr stopped giving her lessons, and while I was at first disappointed, after a while I noticed that I felt lighter in my heart when I thought about it. And as I thought on it, I realized that I did not like the things she was teaching about women and men and marriage, but I did not think that I had the right or place to dislike it, spiritually, even in my own head. So I was pushing my own opinions down and silencing them, even though I felt, to my core, that some of what she was teaching was really, really wrong. And I didn't like the way some of the wives there were treated, or how they glorified staying at home and not visiting with friends. These women were almost totally isolated and cut off, even from other super religious women in their own tariqa. So first, non-Muslims weren't okay to have as friends, then non-murids, and soon it was visiting with anyone was as if it was a waste of time and an offense to Allah. A lot of the women, physically, looked very tired.<br /><br /><br /><br />About that time I made friends with two Qasid students who were not murids. They had just arrived. A lot of people left, and new people came in all the time. Not just Qasid, but murids as well. We went to the Friday market one day, and one of them said something making fun of the tariqa and the other one laughed. I was very hurt and offended, and turned away from them. I didn't talk to them very much for the rest of the outing. I guess they sensed this, because that day or the next day, the one who made the joke came to see me.<br /><br /><br /><br />She apologized for hurting my feelings, but she said that she felt that there were problems with the tariqa or things she disagreed with and she wasn't going to pretend otherwise just to keep from offending people. Especially because she felt that they had no fear of offending and hurting people who were not murids and saying things about the West. So I asked her, "Well what problems do you think the tariqa has," because at the time I was still thinking she was just not really understanding the depth of the tariqa. That is what they say, when people say things against them or say that they don't like something, the response is "They don't understand how complicated and intricate this is" or some teaching is hidden from them by Allah and so on.<br /><br /><br /><br />She told me some of the same things that are already on [the] blog, such as the spying and tattle taling. I was skeptical and I told her I would have to think about these things. She also passionately gave me her argument about the way women are treated in Kharabsheh and I did not disagree with her completely. "Well maybe you should talk to this person," and that was a person I knew from the tariqa.<br /><br /><br /><br />After a few weeks of these things gnawing away at me, I went to see the other person. That person repeated the same things she told me and more, like about people who lost their jobs, that a man was blackballed personally and professionally because his "ego is too big", and about a family that had lost their inheritance. I said, "Why are you still here then if you don't like it?" and the person told me that their own finances were deeply tied to the shaykh and Um Sahl and they were unable to leave yet.<br /><br /><br /><br />I was just a simple student, I'm not even married. I don't have inheritance sor savings for much of anything, so the financial complaints were very new to me. Actually I was puzzled that they were so involved in the money of their murids, and yes it bothered me. I felt that if they are saying how they are here for our akhira, and spiritual guidance, then why the big interest in everyone's money?<br /><br /><br /><br />[The blog writer] mentioned a party at which a woman suddenly began to talk about her husband sexually abusing her. I was at that party. Everyone looked away. It was like she was shouting it, it got so quiet in the room, yet she was speaking at a normal tone. I was sitting against a corner diagonal from her. I remember her voice got really quiet when she said, "And everyone thinks I'm so lucky." Then people began to talk about other things like nothing had happened. I think that was the moment when it struck me that this is not something that can be called excellent or with taqwa or tawfeeq. Because even if the shaykh didn't know about it - and according to what's on the writings now, he did - no one in the room felt moved to help her or comfort her. I saw these woman and how many of them looked run down, beaten down, and I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to be a woman who was following all of Um Khayr's advice and was run down by her tariqa husband to the point where she had nothing to offer a woman who was crying out for help. I saw women who were empty of anything to offer except their khidmat to their husbands and the tariqa. I didn't see Islam in that room that day, no matter what prayers we prayed together or singing the burda.<br /><br /><br /><br />I underwent a serious spiritual journey at that time. I would say that I was full of turmoil, on top of preparing for my Qasid finals. I had decided to go home 3 months early, as I missed my family and my home. I also felt no desire to be around the tariqa anymore. I was attending the hadras on and off, but it all began to feel like a pointless form of aerobic exercise. Where I had told myself previously that the shaykh's voice was the essence of calm and thoughtfulness, he now sounded clumsy and unsure of himself with his mumbling low tones. I noticed some of the women would fall asleep when he talked, and some even had little poses for their heads and hands to make it look like they were in deep thought. That is how practised they were at this.<br /><br /><br /><br />After I arrived home, my spiritual journey continued. I did not go to the majlis of the murids at all. I was very busy with my family and other things. I made myself busy. I decided to take a course at sunnipath.com but I had problems with it, in that I no longer felt like I wanted to hear what they had to say. I would think, "And are they teaching us something that makes us more open to handing over our money" and things like that. I didn't tell anyone back home about my experiences and what I had learned.<br /><br /><br /><br />My distrust of the website led me to wonder how accurate they were in general. It seems like most of the things about women are meant to promote shaykh Nuh's version of women - in the kitchen, silent and unheard, even by themselves. I did question their motivation and no longer looked to the site as a source for my Islamic knowledge, and that finally led me to wonder why I was using Reliance and a few of those other books as my end all definitive guides. My parents are not particularly religious so it was the murids who really introduced me to this way of understanding Islam. I had no tradition of my own to draw from and compare it to in that sense. I could only compare it to the Salafi version of Islam that was popular for some time, and in the end I felt that there wasn't much of a difference, because the way Islam is taught or lived in Jordan is the way that they (shaykh, two ladies) feel it should be lived at all times: women in veils in black, men in charge, obedience to the shaykh or the leader, making many mubah things into haram, staying away from and hating those who don't follow your way, etc.<br /><br /><br /><br />Anyway, Amy, who I was friends with Kharabsheh, got in touch with me after she left Jordan. I was very, very surprised when she told me that she divorced her husband and wasn't Muslim anymore. We began to talk about what led her to that point. She was - is - the only person I am in regular contact with who left the tariqa, so I poured out to her all of my struggles with it, all of the terrible things I learned, my anger. She had many of the same issues. We did not lead each other, but just provided a listening ear for the other one. Understanding and support. She never pushed me to do anything, but after some more of my own researching and soul searching, I also decided to leave Islam.<br /><br /><br /><br />So that is the reason that I am writing my story for you, so that people can hear first hand from someone who was brought from certainty in the deen outside of it by the shaykh and his women. I don't have the time to go into everything and it sounds spurious from the outside. "Oh she saw a woman who had a problem and quit Islam" and things like that.<br /><br /><br /><br />Nuh Keller, his wife, and Um Khayr and their friends at the website had offered me a foundation in Islam that I thought was built on solid ground. Then, with the tariq, they give you a vision of Islam that is intoxicating - all of society's problems could be solved if we just followed the tariqa and the tariqa's interpretations of Shariah. But what did they call to? People investing their money in their pet projects? How is that going to change the world? If we want something better for women, then why are they ignoring abuse in the neighborhood, and pushing teachings on their website that are often unfair to women and very callous? Even before I went to Jordan I felt that way and many of my friends would privately complain about the teachings on their website about women.<br /><br /><br /><br />You are made to feel that if you disagree with them, then you are no better than a shaytan or a kafir who follows his own desires. Your intelligence - that they say Allah gave you - is useless. You do not know, inherently, what is right or fair. If you disagree, they will ruin you.<br /><br /><br /><br />I don't blame Nuh Keller for me leaving Islam. In a way I thank him, because to blame him would be to say that I am unhappy with where I am and I'm definitely not. I know you are still Muslim and from what you are saying, most of the former murids you are in touch with are as well. I have no problem or complaint with that. But I thank him and Um Sahl and Um Khayr because their behavior to people, the behavior of the murids, especially the women you wrote about as "the ablahs", all of that tied in as an example and a pointing of the way. At every step I was sincere and fervent in my duas. I wanted him to be revealed to me as a wali, but he most definitely was not. If not for that, I may not have had the strength of mind and will to address things within the religion that struck a deep part of me.<br /><br /><br /><br />I won't blame you if you don't print these last few paragraphs because I understand it is hard for you, but I hope you do. Unlike you and the other married women, I did not have the same sort of access, and I did not see many of the terrible things in people's lives that you did. So I know that my story as far as expeirences in Kharabsheh is not as bad as some peoples, but it is still one that I think the readers will benefit from, even if -- especially if -- they disagree with my choice to leave Islam.<br /><br /><br /><br />I want you to know that I feel more at peace with myself and the world around me now than I did in those first few months in Jordan when I thouht everything was wonderful.<br /><br /><br /><br />Thank you for your time and for letting me share my story.</content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-24038234502790543472009-11-11T15:58:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:08:31.783-08:00End of the road<content type="html">Once upon a time --<br /><br /><br /><br />I know I said I was posting these in chronological order from my journals and recollections of friends, emails, but they are a little out of order. I decided it can't really go that way. It's whatever seems the most important thing to say at the time. Sometimes I really don't have much of anything to say.<br /><br /><br /><br />Sometimes people want to talk about the inability of Keller to pronounce Quran correctly, or whatever. I don't know if it's a "woman thing" but I am more on the effect of Keller on people's minds and hearts. I think that those shortcomings or problems of his should be and will be addressed by a man, the guys who were with him more often and saw that up close.<br /><br /><br /><br />As I read some of the blogs that were written about the Ktown group, about Keller's effects on people, one thing that surfaced several times was this idea that many of the ex-murids are quitting Islam altogether.<br /><br /><br /><br />I can tell you that this is true, there are people quitting Islam after their time in the cult. I'm not sure it's as many as some people want you to believe it is, but if it's just one person, isn't that enough? Maybe. Or maybe not.<br /><br /><br /><br />There was someone, we'll call her Amy, who did quit Islam after being around the group, being married to a murid. I have been able to talk to her a few times about her experiences - which were really awful - and how she came to quit Islam. I asked her point blank, "Did you quit because of the tariq?"<br /><br /><br /><br />She said that the answer is really yes and no. She had some personal things, some questions of her own, that I guess she felt Islam couldn't answer. However, she did say that really, a lot of the blame is to be laid at the feet of guess who? Hedaya. Besa. Nuh. Why?<br /><br /><br /><br />Because, she said, they taught me a version of Islam that was ultimately the only way that one could not only follow Islam but live in the entire universe. If you fail to live up to it, then you are a failure - bound for the hellfire, a person of bidah, a worldling. She said, in their world, there is ONE way to be a Muslim, and one way only. I will say, that it is true that no matter what you hear outside, inside of the tariqa, it is believed that if you're not in a tariqa, you are in a serious spiritual and perhaps moral / fiqh failure as a Muslim. For as <a href="http://umm-ah.blogspot.com/2009/05/little-thing.html">awful as they could be about non-Muslims</a>, they were just about as nasty about Muslims who don't have tariqa.<br /><br /><br /><br />I said to her, well when you left (your husband and the tariqa), didn't you want to explore Islam without them looking over your shoulders and find a "different" way to be Muslim?<br /><br /><br /><br />Yes, she tried that, she told me. But in a way, she said that the tariqa "ruined her" for other understandings of Islam. There is such an exacting focus on how do you arrive at this conclusion and a dismissal, a real demolishing of scholars outside of the traditional sufi understanding of Islam - whether it's Nawawi or Ghazali - that the others look like "kindergartners playing" (her words). In other words, she's saying that the legalistic way that the tariqa forces you to understand Islam, the intellectual rigor involved, makes it nearly impossible to consider other understandings as remotely valid.<br /><br /><br /><br />And yes, she said, the way she was treated by her husband in the name of the tariqa, by the "big ones", the things she saw, "Yes that had a huge negative impact on the way I viewed Muslims and then Islam. But it was not the only thing."<br /><br /><br /><br />Amy had other issues that have nothing to do with the tariqa, and made the choice to leave Islam. And other murids, quite a few from what I know, have done so as well. BUT....<br /><br /><br /><br />not all ex-murids quit Islam. I think it is just a little unfair to say "ex-murid of Keller is an ex-Muslim" or "all of them quit Islam." It is bad enough that Keller insinuates that anyone who leaves him as a shaykh is leaving Islam.<br /><br /><br /><br />Some of the ex-murids continue on with the same sort of legalistic, more intellectually driven understanding of Islam. Some of them have become very liberal Muslims. I have not heard of any becoming Salafis.<br /><br /><br /><br />So it seems that you either keep on with the same understanding of Islam, but quit him; or you find different understandings of how to be Muslim, which veer towards much more liberal ways ; or you quit Islam altogether. And I think if you talk to people - the ex-murids - you will find that people have many different reasons.<br /><br /><br /><br />Because the way you understand Allah, the deen, the world is a fluid thing, it's changing over time. You have your culture, environment, work, health, anything that contributes to how you see yourself and the world around you. I wouldn't blame everything on "She left Keller and now she doesn't wear hijab", even though that might be her primary reason.<br /><br /><br /><br />But having said all of that, I think that we as Muslims need to seriously, seriously look at why people who leave the tariqa are leaving Islam in such noticeable numbers. If it was one, even two people, you m ight say "well it's them," but when it's so many that even people who don't know anything about Keller associate him with apostasy, it's time to raise questions about what is going on in the tairqa and in Kharabsheh - no matter how much you love him or Besa. You MUST ask, it is your duty towards yourself and other Muslims. In fact, I think it is a duty to Allah and his messenger (saws) to ask "What are you doing to people, teaching them, saying to them that has caused this many people to quit the deen after they've been around you?"<br /><br /><br /><br />Even if you don't like them, you should ask, because as Muslims, they will share some responsibility for driving people away from Allah and his religion! So as their Muslim brothers, we should be concerned for their souls, because we know that we ourselves would not want that burden hanging over our head. Enjoining the good and forbidding the evil in speech and behavior - he says it has rules because he tells us that people form the past have said so. But that attempt to shut down the common man does not mean that he, his wife, UK, the ablahs, and any of the rest of the people in the tariqa are above scrutiny. Not when it comes to people leaving Islam and risking their akhira.</content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-84924798438897371542009-11-11T15:27:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:07:08.515-08:00Rule book #3<content type="html">3. Trust no one. In Ktown, you are taught that you can only trust Allah, the shaykh, Um Sahl, and Um Khayr - until you learn that you can't trust the last three at all. No one among your friends is to be trusted.<br /><br /><br /><br />This begins early when you arrive. Maybe even before you arrive. It begins with you being told, either by the shaykh & co directly or by murids, that murids are not trustworthy. It's something like, the murids come here because they are spiritually ill and immature, so you can't trust them. That is the excuse that they also give for all of the fitnah that used to come out of Ktown - oh it's the murids, they are't mature, they are spiritually ill.<br /><br /><br /><br />But then at the same time, you're taught that the companionship of the "daraweesh" is the best company you can have, and that you should spend time with people who are serious about their suluk instead of non-Muslims or Muslims who are "caught up in the dunya." So, you're encouraged to stay away from Qasid students and other American Muslims who live in Jordan, you're encouraged to stay away from Jordanians, and you're encouraged to stay away from the other Americans who live and work in Jordan. Most of the people don't leave the neighborhood. They don't know Arabic, and they don't know anything about Jordan, so they're afraid to leave. So who do you have but the murids?<br /><br /><br /><br />But why not trust them? They are Muslims, they are murids. Well the reason is that UK, US, and NK encourage you to tattle on other people. Most murids are immature and childish in many ways so if they see someone doing something that is against "As a Rule" or what they think isn't Islamic, they will go running to the z to tell on that person. So something that you might struggle with, is exposed before you want it to be. You know, even though he is your shaykh, I am sure that most people do not tell him everything. He really despises music and television, so I think the murids who are struggling to give that up don't tell him because he will kick them out of the tariqa. Or they fear he will.<br /><br /><br /><br />But on a more real level, the reason you can't trust a murid in Ktown (or maybe in other towns) is that UK, US, and NK believe in sacred spying for the sake of the tariqa. US and NK believe that people will corrupt their tariqa. They keep a written profile of murids - I think it is all murids in the world, but especially of those who come to Jordan. Everyone must be in line with whatever NK and US are saying in this time, so if you wear clothing that doesn't conform or if you have TV in your house, things like this, they want to know about it. Since they never go out of their houses, they don't see the women in the street. They don't really know a lot of murids or know what is going on, so they rely on murids to be their eyes and ears into the world.<br /><br /><br /><br />I remember with a few friends they would be amazed when Um Sahl would call them or Um Khayr would call them for a "talk" after the hadra or whatever. And they would say that they knew about something and they should get rid of it or stop doing it - whatever it was.<br /><br /><br /><br />Just as an example, there was a woman who wasn't a murid who wasn't wearing niqab in the neighborhood. This was when there was no hard and fast rule about non-murids wearing it. In fact, none of the Qasid people who weren't murids wore it. So this woman wasn't a murid so she didn't wear it, but she came to the z. for all the hadras and stuff. So one day US told her, "I heard you aren't wearing niqab" in front of other people. How did she come to find this out, since she never leaves her house? Well, either murids ran and told on the non-murid or she had someone sacred spying on her.<br /><br /><br /><br />Many of us, who have proven ourselves useful or single minded in the service of the shaykh somehow, have been called upon by the Um's to report on people. They will ask what you know about someone, and say, well, pay them a visit and tell me if you see anything strange. They have justified this saying, "We have the right to protect our neighborhood," because there is an attitude that they are Kharabsheh, they own Kharabsheh, even though most people in Kharabsheh want nothing to do with them. They believe it is their right to say who will live there, and where that person will live. So they want to make sure that people living there are following NK's rules, and if they aren't they will suggest they leave, or tell them to leave, or have the landlord kick them out.<br /><br /><br /><br />So your friends, are they really your friends? US and UK admit that the "integrity" of their neighborhood - their ability to control the lives of the people who move there - is the motivation for their disobedience of the Quranic verses about spying.<br /><br /><br /><br />But even if you can overlook that one, which a lot of us can and did for a long time, when UK forwards you an email from a murid, begging for her help, with the person's email address on it, or when NK passes around an email that one of his assistants has printed out with someone's darkest secrets in them, are these people worthy of trust? How about the people who receive them? When people get these emails or get passed a note from NK or they go to US's for tea and she fills their ears with stories about this or that murid who has displeased her, what do you think the murids' reaciton is?<br /><br /><br /><br />They feel honored. They believe that this means they are now in the inner circle, that Besa and Hedaya now see them as equals of a sort, that they are progressed enough in their suluk to look down on the struggles of others. It makes people feel better about their problems to be able to look down on others' problems. Or perhaps they are afraid - if they raise questions about the propriety of this behavior, will they be next? Many people are afraid that some deep secret about them will be uncovered and they will be asked to leave the neighborhood.<br /><br /><br /><br />No, but usually it is very pedestrian titillation. People love gossip and that's why you have a lot of gossip shows on TV and gossip magazines. This is no different, except that it has a veneer of piety on it. As if because they say they do it for the sake of the tariqa (not the sake of Allah or Islam, but for Nuh's tariqa) then that makes it okay. They said the murids are sick, and they're right in many cases, but they are sick too. Who else takes such perverse joy in passing around emails where a murid confesses that her marriage isn't consummated or that her husband is hitting her? Certainly not people who are worthy of any level of trust, much less with your heart, your soul, your akhira.<br /><br /><br /><br />So rule #3. Trust no one, except Allah.</content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-23318214833462843082009-11-11T15:06:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.653-08:00The few and the humiliatedOne thing that is being said on some of these blogs and also between Muslims is that the Ktown situation is "blown out of proportion" and that we don't need to do much because "it's only a few people." Also that people who go to Jordan are all rich and elite so who cares. I want to say something about this.<br /><br /><br /><br />First it is true that at any given time, there are probably only about 200 to 400 foreigners in Kharabsheh with the shaykh. It used to be more and now it is less - a lot of people left him in 2008 and are leaving him now.<br /><br /><br /><br />It is also true that about 95% of the problems that are being mentioned are specific to being in Kharabsheh. It is two different tariqas - the tariqa of those who live in America or England or wherever, and those who come to Jordan. Murids in Jordan have a different tariqa, with different rules and mentality. Murids who stay home in California have a tariqa that is radically different. However, the same four people are the leadership of both of these tariqas. Nuh is the shaykh in Jordan and he is the shaykh in California. And not all of the craziness is confined to Jordan. Some of the harsher or wierder stuff has been transmitted to all the murids, and is recorded on Mp3 or cd. Also, some of the rules are world-wide rules, not just Ktown rules.<br /><br /><br /><br />So there is that.<br /><br /><br /><br />Also, it may only be a grand total of 1500 or less people who have passed through Jordan - and many did so for a short time and never experienced the psychosis of the Shadhilis - but that is still 1500 or however many people who lived, up close, in the heart of a cult. Even if only 800 feel that they have been affected in a detrimental manner, that is 800 people who need help and understanding. And I think the number is much higher, because the crazy marriage and divorce stuff certainly was never limited to Jordan. The divorces have been a problem for NK from the years before anyone even lived in Ktown with him.<br /><br /><br /><br />If the people who go there are rich or whatever, that shouldn't be a factor in whether or not you seek to protect other Muslims from the harm of the tariq. First of all, for those of you reading, it is not true that "only" rich people went to Jordan. Quite a few of us went on scholarships we received to study Arabic. A lot of people saved up their money from their jobs for a year or two before hand so that they could live six months or a year in Jordan and have suhba with the shaykh. There are some murids who work while they are in Jordan. There are some murids who came when a relative died and they inherited something that gave them the money to go. All in all the people who I knew in Ktown who were from rich backgrounds were definitely outnumbered by people who were regular middle class families, and even from working class backgrounds in some cases.<br /><br /><br /><br />But I don't know where in Islam it says that you can never have empathy, understsanding for the well to do or where it says that a rich person who is harmed by a religious charlatan is not worthy of your assistance.<br /><br /><br /><br />The reason Ktown matters is that the people who go to Ktown, who are recruited to be in the tariq, are in many cases, influential people. They run magazines, businesses, they come back to America or Canada in positions of leadership as teachers of the deen, imams, etc. Their Islamic academy and online Islamic knowledge database has reached tens of thousands of Muslims and non-Muslims alike - propogating Keller's very specific (and sometimes mistaken) understandings of Islamic law and belief and telling them that this is the one true understanding of Islam. So it isn't just for that well to do Pakistani kid that you have to feel some concern, it is for every naive Muslim or non-Muslim who logs into their website seeking knowledge of the deen. For every person who picks up "Reliance" or reads his articles looking for insight into Islam.<br /><br /><br /><br />Nuh Keller is not a true shaykh. Nor is he a mufti or a scholar of Islamic law, even though he, his wife, and his students insinuate otherwise. Nuh, Besa, Hedaya, and others in the tariq have seriously harmed many people - financially, spiritually, emotionally. They have stood by while women were being assaulted in their own homes and blamed the women for the abuse. All of the people who were harmed or are being harmed by them are Muslims. The prophet (saws) said that a true Muslim is someone who other Muslims are safe from the harm of his tongue and hands. This is not true and will probably never be true of Nuh Keller, his wife, and their friend. Even if it was one person whose emails about personal sexual problems or faith struggles was forwarded by them to other people in the tariqa, that would be enough. This is not the hallmark of a shaykh or of scholars of the deen.<br /><br /><br /><br />That is why this matters, even though yes, in comparison to the general Muslim population, we are small in number. Al Qaeda is also small in number compared to the general Muslims, yet you are quick to assess the harm and damage they have caused, and to repudiate their philosophies and actions. Keller may not be killing people, but he also has caused damage and spiritual death in his murids. That is why it matters.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-28543236085702732402009-11-11T14:43:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.656-08:00a little thing<content type="html">Once upon a time ---<br /><br /><br /><br />One thing that used to bother me a lot, even when I was deep in the throes of my love sickness, was that NK, UK, and US used to refer to all non-Muslims as "the kufar", and the West as "Darul Harb" or the lands of the kufar, things like that. At every dars, NK would pray and he would three times pray for the victory of the Muslims over the kufar. When they would speak about non-Muslim women, it was always this idea that they were empty headed, empty souled, that they were sex machines, who have no dignity or anything like that. Funny I never heard them speak about non-Muslim men the same way.<br /><br /><br /><br />I know this is something that a lot of Muslims don't care about. But it bothered me because NK and UK used to be non-Muslims and a lot of the murids did too. That means we all have non-Muslim parents. I mean, I used to wonder, if these are people of haqq, and it's supposed to be about your excellent character (a phrase we heard all the time, especially from UK), then how is this excellent? It was offputting to me.<br /><br /><br /><br />It was the venom with which they spoke of the West and of non-Muslims. US used to talk about how we would rise up in victory against them. She would make fun of the kufar, and would question the iman of Muslims who lived in the West, even though her own family does live there.<br /><br /><br /><br />If you have read "Reliance of the Traveller", then you know that there is a chapter on jihad in there and that the book doesn't pull any punches on its treatment of non-Muslims. Now, it is true that this is an old book from "a different time," but it is intended to be a manual for us, today, to live Islam and understand the fiqh of the Shafiis, but also of Islam as a whole. And the book is very clear about fighting and killing non-Muslims, treating them differently when they are ahlul dhimma, and things like that. It's all very much contrary to the image of Islamic brotherhood and tolerance that Muslims talk about on television.<br /><br /><br /><br />This hatred of the West was an issue because there were a lot of the sisters who didn't want to be in Jordan and wanted to go home. There were a few women who came expecting to stay in Jordan for a few months or even a year, and then once they got there it was like "Oh we're going to live here." They missed their families and life in Jordan isn't easy, even if you are from America and have more money than a Jordanian. So sometimes they would come seeking the counsel of these people, about how sad and miserable they were in Jordan and wanted to go home and it would be "Why do you want to leave the Muslims for the kufar?" I think this is one of multiple ways the women were induced to stay in Jordan rather than coming to an agreement with their husbands that they should leave.<br /><br /><br /><br />There was a woman who was very ill, and had bad allergies that the Jordanian climate made worse, and even her husband wouldn't leave b/c UK and NK told him not to, and UK and US would say, "Why she wants to be with the kufar I don't know, they have doctors here in Jordan, Muslim doctors, that she can visit. And she should be patient with her sickness. Jordan is a land of baraka because the prophets were here, and she wants to leave that?" Things like that. It didn't matter that the doctors in Jordan are kind of shady or that they couldn't do anything - it was the land of Jordan itself that was making her ill. So when she did finally leave, a lot of the sisters took it as a sign of her (the sick woman) weak iman. "She just didn't try hard enough," is something that I heard many times.<br /><br /><br /><br />A final part to this. I was with a group of murids, and this was in America. We were doing something for another murid, helping him out in his business, and we had to go out and buy supplies, meet vendors, things like that. Another one of the murids who lived in Jordan and would travel back and forth was with us and everytime we would go somewhere, he would remark on the kufar. He would even do things like take a deep breath and say "Sidi (to the men, not to me), can't you smell the kufr in the air? I can't tolerate it, I need to be back in the land of baraka."<br /><br /><br /><br />He would also say how they had to be brought to Islam or risk the sword, things like that. I said to him, but didn't people come to Islam through the spread of the sufis and the traders and he goes "A very small portion. The truth is that most of the people who came to Islam did so because of military conquest. Islam was spread by the sword and we shouldn't be ashamed of it." He would even say these types of things when we were shopping for supplies and again later when he was shopping for treats and goodies to take back to Jordan because Jordan didn't have the little extras that he enjoyed in life. Only the West did.<br /><br /><br /><br />But it did embarass me, and others, because we came to Islam through knowledge and peaceful means, and here he was saying that if people like us didn't come to it, then just kill us. Maybe he is being truthful. I'm not a historian so I really don't know, but it doesn't matter. It's just that this guy, who is a very close murid of the shaykh, exemplifies the mindset of NK and US on the matter of non-Muslims. Hatred of them, hatred of all the things they have, even while taking advantage of their technology and using their passports. None of them, not even NK and US, have given up the passports of their native Western countries, and because the laws of Jordan for hajj are very strict, NK makes hajj using his US passport, since the rules for Americans are more relaxed.<br /><br /><br /><br />I thought it was plain hypocrisy. Decry the West even though they would seek out Westerners to join the tariq. Hate non-Muslims even though some of the murids came from convert backgrounds, especially some of their favorite ones, and the shaykh himself (or, maybe he has psychological issues about not being born a Muslim). To me, it was like on one level they will talk about love and peace and being an excellent person, but in reality, when you got up close, there was hypocrisy and hatred and a more militant attitude that you would expect from other groups of Muslims but not sufis.<br /><br /><br /><br />Anyway, it might be something that doesn't bother a lot of people but it bothered me because it seemed two faced, and to me, it kind of hinted at a darker, uglier attitude and belief about Islam and the world that lay under the surface. I knew from a long time ago that people who were "higher up" in the tariqa received teachings and counsel that were supposed to be "secret" or that the rest of us weren't "ready" to know. When I got to see their hatred of others up close, I wondered what some of those teachings were, and honestly - it scared me a little. Again, it might just be me, and I definitely never heard aything that was really far out. But it was one of those things, that over time, peeled away the illusion and showed me the reality.</content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-9428177754433065532009-11-07T08:53:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.658-08:00The bad wife<content type="html">I think as the dust is settling, we need to return to story time. I want you to know, from the start, that the woman mentioned in this story no longer has any affiliation with the tariqa. When I told her about my blog and what I was doing, she gave me permission to tell this story to you, so that (her words), "Other women in my situation will know that they can do what I did and that they are not alone".<br /><br /><br /><br />Many of the things I recall here come from my personal journal that I was keeping when I lived in Jordan. I have been writing these out for a while, editing them, and putting them in some sort of chronological order. But I have a life outside of the computer, so it takes me a while.<br /><br /><br /><br />I am telling this story not to shock or titillate you, but because it was an essential turning point for me and for other individuals, and because in reality, they are not the only family in the tariqa who was in this situation and who received similar counseling. If I did not think that this story wasn't an essential component of my story or if I thought that it would not provide some spiritual comfort to others out there, it wouldn't be here. I'm sure there are many things I know about Ktown that will never, ever be published on a blog. This, sadly, is not one of them.<br /><br /><br /><br />So, once upon a time ---<br /><br /><br /><br />I had come back to Ktown from traveling, and I expected to feel refreshed and invigorated, but I did not. I thought my time away from the z and the tariqa would leave me wanting to come to the hadra, the dars, the company of the murids and especially of NK, US, and UK. Instead, I felt more restless, things seemed sharper to me. This was after <a href="http://umm-ah.blogspot.com/2009/06/i-think-that-right-now-i-want-to-skip.html">my alarm clock had been set off</a>. I thought being away would give me a balanced perspective wherein it would be clear that the murids needed reform, but that the structure, the tariqa, and its leaders were sound. Instead, I felt more and more like the veils were being stripped away and reality was presenting its face. This was, I want you to know, not something I wanted to happen.<br /><br /><br /><br />Like many people I was heavily invested in being a murid, in this man being my spiritual leader and in UK and US being my models for womanhood. I had spent a great deal of time and money coming to Jordan to study Arabic as well as take the companionship of the shaykh and gain tarbiya from him. I was apart from my family for a long time in what I thought was a holy pursuit. So I didn't want all of this to be for naught, for the blackballings and all of that to be the true face. "It must be a misunderstanding," I would think to myself. There was still some doubt there about it. But having taken a break and returned to the real world meant that when I returned to Ktown, I saw its problems more clearly than I could have ever imagined.<br /><br /><br /><br />I was visited by a sister. I won't say where she was from or how long she was in Ktown, just that she was there. I had known her for a while, from traveling and internet forums and suhbas and things like that, and we had many mutual friends. When we met in Ktown, we immediately clicked. So shortly after I returned to Ktown, and I mean within days, the sister came to see me. Her face was drawn, she had black circles under her eyes. Her hands were fluttery, as if she was nervous. When she removed her outer coverings, her hair was a mess - a sloppy bun where it was normally neatly done. I did what we do in Jordan, which is to say that I prepared tea for her, and set out a plate of dry Turkish cookies.<br /><br /><br /><br />I sat across from her and we were silent for some moments until she finally burst out. "I think my husband is gay." Immediately, tears began to pour down her face. I handed her a box of Fine and she sobbed for a few moments, and then gathered herself.<br /><br /><br /><br />"Why do you think that?"<br /><br /><br /><br />She took a deep, yet shaky breath, and told me. A few months before they came to Jordan, she needed to use his computer to check on a package that she'd been expecting. She found dirty photos he'd downloaded into a folder. Dirty pictures of men. That led her to find out that he'd subscribed to a pornography service using their credit card. And then, in tears, and with great shame, she told me he'd never consummated their marriage.<br /><br /><br /><br />I am telling you, dear reader, I was in shock. I had seen her husband, of course, with his trim beard and healthy smile. She had always spoken fondly of him, and like most murids, did not make a show of romantic love or anything like that. Most murids who are married are extremely reserved in the way that they speak about their spouses or interact with them in front of others. So this was no signal to me of what she was saying.<br /><br /><br /><br />I began to ask her the usual questions one would ask in this situation. Yes she had dressed up in all sorts of clothes, makeup, jewelry and elaborate hairstyles. Yes, she had asked him "what he likes." Yes she had made proficient dua to Allah for His help in this matter. And yet none was forthcoming. By her account, her husband was cheerful and fond of her, but in this one important matter, he was a failure. Although they had, in her words, "engaged in some romantic things", the marriage was, after all this time (I won't say how long) still not consummated. Of course, I asked her the questions that would come naturally to any murid.<br /><br /><br /><br />"Did you talk to Sh Nuh, Um Sahl, or Um Khayr?"<br /><br /><br /><br />In fact she had, and that is where her story took an even stranger turn. She had approached the women, being too humiliated to go to a man with this. She told them about the dirty pictures, about his inability to do more than some chaste hugging. This was a marriage that had taken place after her husband was a murid. I do not think she was a murid at the time.<br /><br /><br /><br />"So what did they say?" I asked her.<br /><br /><br /><br />Well, she said that they told her that his inability to consummate the marriage was clearly due to some failure on her part. While they did acknowledge that the photos indicated that he still had "unnatural desires" that were an "inevitable consequence" of living in the West, this was a desire that could be easily overcome when a man was joined in marriage to a woman who filled all of the Islamic requirements, including, of course, faith, sincerity, and taqwa. If she was a true woman of taqwa, a true woman of the tariqa, her husband would have no problem falling into bed with her.<br /><br /><br /><br />That he was still downloading gay dirty photos, and refusing to come to her bed was a sign of her failures, not his. She was subjected to a checklist of sorts. Did she wear inviting clothing and makeup every day? Did she nag him? Did she keep the house clean? Did she cook delicious food? Did she do all of her wirds? Did she do all of her salats? And on and on it went.<br /><br /><br /><br />She left the z apartments that day, she told me, more dejected than ever. No one knew about the state of her marital bed. She was deeply ashamed, and she told me that it felt as though they had dug out some deep and secret shame within her, for as a Muslim, she did believe that if she was just alluring enough, pretty enough, submissive enough, agreeable enough, and pious enough, her husband would be led to turn from his sins and his dunya desires and to lay down beside her in the conjugal bed. Why, she wept, was Allah testing her with this? Why didn't He make her good enough to bring her husband to tawba, repentance?<br /><br /><br /><br />She plunged into a depression. She stopped doing her hair. She stopped wearing makeup. She began wearing stretchy pants and t-shirts in the home. She slept on the farshas in the living room instead of in the bed with him. (Farshas are mattresses with fancy covers that are on the floor and are the way traditional Jordanians furnished their sitting rooms). She began to see a future without children, without "her needs" being met, and felt hopeless.<br /><br /><br /><br />And then it got worse, she told me. About a week before she came to see me, she'd been to another murid's home, for a tea party or some such gathering, she was approached by two older, more senior murids, who were known as the ablahs. These were women that most of us avoided by all means. They were harsh, mean women who had no time or patience for spoiled Westerners who hadn't lived in Egypt with the Um's or been murids of Hajji Baba. With stern faces, the murids warned her about "blabbing her intimate secrets around" and told her "there must be a problem with you as a woman." As my friend talked to them, it became clear that one or both of the Um's had told them that the marriage wasn't consummated and that it was due to the shortcomings of my friend as a wife. "AlhamduliLlah, they didn't tell them about the photos, about my husband's real problem," she told me. No, they just apparently told her most private business to women who were their buddies from the olden days, and then bad mouthed her on top of it.<br /><br /><br /><br />She thought that perhaps, out of their desire to help her, the Um's had told the ablahs, who they must have known would scold her, out of a desire to see her "corrected" and help in her tarbiya. Sometimes as a murid, you are told stories of shaykhs subjecting their students to bizarre, painful and humiliating things as a means of wearing down their egos. So she thought, maybe this was a case like that.<br /><br /><br /><br />I thought about this for a moment and then asked, "You mean that you think the Um's mistakenly thought that the ablahs would somehow prove a means of your tarbiya because you think that they sincerely believe that what is going on in your home is your fault?"<br /><br /><br /><br />She thought about this, and her face turned bright red. It was like a light bulb switched on inside of her and was burning hot. "No. I don't think that they think this is my fault, not sincerely. I think they are just blaming me because it is embarrassing for the shaykh to have a murid who is gay. And because they don't want to deal with a man's sexual dysfunction." As she thought on it more and more, the expression on her face changed. She started to get angry. "Do you think it's possible they knew about him before we got married?"<br /><br /><br /><br />"Allahu'alim," I told her. I didn't want to think on that. I was still thinking about my friend, married to a man who didn't and would never desire her. I pointed out that "even if the shaykh didn't know before you got married, he (the husband) did. He married you knowing he feels desire for men. Maybe he thought that having you there would switch him. He laid the burden of his sexuality on you, without telling you ahead of time what you were in for. So does it matter if the shaykh knew or didn't know?"<br /><br /><br /><br />She stayed late talking to me that day, and returned the next. She turned over every possibility of the past and future in her mind. We looked at the consequences of every course of action she could take. She was already dealing with the ramifications of one - the ablahs knew about her sexless marriage, and no doubt before long most of the neighborhood's women would as well. And they did. In fact, I even heard about her from another person who didn't know that I already knew the real story. What I was told was that it was another case of a woman who wasn't ready to "stop being selfish" and give herself up on the wedding bed and that "if she didn't watch it" she would be divorced and her prize catch of a husband would move on to someone else. This was a constant theme of <a href="http://umm-ah.blogspot.com/2009/03/rule-realties-2.html">Um Khayr in the marriage class</a> -- that most of the married murid women were sexually frigid and unavailable and that they were not pleasing their husbands and thus not pleasing Allah. And that we'd all better watch our steps or our husbands would move on to women who were happy to please, on top of Allah being displeased with us (ie, hell!)<br /><br /><br /><br />My friend - she had it out with her husband. He admitted that he had a "problem," that he hoped marriage would "cure" him. Why he had not told her upon marrying her - well that was the advice of all the shaykhs whose counsel he had sought. It was a minor flaw that would be easily corrected upon marrige and she needn't ever know about it. That he might have exposed her to sexually transmitted diseases, let alone all of the psychological and spiritual distress she suffered never entered the minds of any of these men.<br /><br /><br /><br />When it came down to it, they both left Jordan and the tariqa. They later divorced. I hear that he has left Islam and is semi-open about his sexuality. As for my friend, she is radically different as a Muslim now, as are, I am learning, many people who leave Ktown. They (we?) approach Islam very differently, perhaps in a way you would not recognize or understand, but it is a necessary thing after you live with Nuh Keller and his women. There are some murids who leave Islam altogether. I think we have yet to see the long term effect of the cult on people's spirituality, but I wonder how many will be driven away from Islam because of them.<br /><br /><br /><br />Here was a woman who sought the advice of two women famed for their ability to understand marriage, particularly Um Khayr, and was instead blamed for the very real failures of the husband. Instead of compassion and real support, she was told that she was inadequate as a woman, as a sexual being, and as a Muslim. And then, in direct disobedience to the Quran and Sunnah, the Um's told her story to others.<br /><br /><br /><br />If you think this story is made up, you clearly have not been to Ktown. What is even worse, I think, than this story being real - with real people who really had to live with this pain - is that they were not the first and probably will not be the last couple who are in the same problem. I know of at least one other murid couple where the husband had issues with same sex attraction, and a handful of other murid couples where the husband had a porno problem in general. I also know of several men and women whose "confidential" emails to NK, UK, and US about sexuality problems in marriage were shared with murids in the neighborhood. I even saw one that was forwarded to a friend of mine - "Please read this and understand the sickness of the West" was the message from UK. The murid's pain was used to slam our home countries. The murid's email and name weren't even blanked out. And those are just the ones that I know about.<br /><br /><br /><br />I have spoken to other women who quit the tariqa and their marriages because of sexuality issues that the shaykh refuses to address. I haven't spoken to the men because really, after all that, this is not something I want to talk about with them.<br /><br /><br /><br />In Kellerworld, men are perfect, and normal, with the sexual appetites that exactly match the prophet (pbuh) or that match the ascetics that he so worships - they are beyond needing sex. The women are virginal and pure, except when they aren't -- when they are needed by men for their needs or for baby making or when they are whores who drive men wild. This is why men are allowed to behave as they please, while women are subjected to <a href="http://umm-ah.blogspot.com/2009/02/rule-book-1.html">ever more psychotic restrictions about dress, movement, behavior and speech</a> -- <a href="http://umm-ah.blogspot.com/2009/02/rule-realties-1.html">all the while being told that everything about us is sexually alluring to the brother murids</a>.<br /><br /><br /><br />No man in Kellerworld is gay. No man in Kellerworld is addicted to pornography or into some strange bedroom behavior. No one ever stops to think to himself, "Hold on a second. I do not find that I get sexually out of control when I see a woman in hijab with blue embroidery on it. I find that I am able to keep my pants on when I see a hijabi woman with her face uncovered." Instead, the ones who come to Jordan begin to grow their split personalities - one for Jordan and one for everywhere else, where a woman who would be Mashallah, pious in America becomes a disobedient fitna in Jordan. It becomes a place where a woman in a blue raincoat is a sex symbol.<br /><br /><br /><br />If everything else about the tariqa was authentic and in line with the sunnah, the monstrous nature of this issue alone would be enough to keep a sensible person away.<br /><br /><br /><br />So please ponder this sister's story, and the other things I mentioned to you. Please think about what you know of Jordan's rules - everyone knows some of what the women are expected to do and everyone gossips about it, so you must know. My friend has let her story be told because she hopes it will help someone who is in her situation or help someone who needs to to see the truth. The least you can do is reflect upon it.</content>4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-43093142820455231992009-11-07T08:27:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.659-08:00After the exposuresSo I have been following the exposure of the tariqa on the blog I mentioned, as well as the other blog. Emails are flying back and forth between people, also ims and phone calls.<br /><br /><br /><br />I am giddy in a way. I told you a little tiny bit about what I learned in Jordan - men who were blackballed for their questioning the tariqa. Or really for questioning Um Sahl or NK. Or Um Sahl just didn't like them. Whatever it is.<br /><br /><br /><br />I told you about the life for women there. About women that everyone knew was being abused and no one did anything. Did I tell you how UK, US, and NK used to share their emails and letters with people? They would tell you what transpired between them and the seeker when the person came for help? And of course that stuff would make its way around the neighborhood, which is likely what was intended.<br /><br /><br /><br />I'm told they're very angry in Jordan, wanting to know who that blogger is and the people commenting. Just like they were about the other guy's blog a few months ago. Does it matter? It is all of us, none of us. Truth will find a way, Noah.<br /><br /><br /><br />So what comes now? I mean, is it just to say "Look at this freak show?" and that's it?<br /><br /><br /><br />I can see where some people - Salafi and the ikhwani types - will use this to say, "See, sufism is totally wrong and misguided," and basically for their propaganda purposes. To get people to attend their programs or give them money.<br /><br /><br /><br />We need people who really care, without regard to the manhaj. I think at this point, it can only be those who were there or who are tariqa in some way (any tariqa). Look before you go laughing at those crazy sufis and telling us how the Maghrib Institute is superior, you should realize that these Muslims in Kharabsheh are real people with parents, siblings, spouses, and children and they are being severely damaged, emotionally, financially, spiritually. There are families whose hearts are broken because their son or daughter ran off to Kharabsheh and breaks off contact because the father doesn't approve of the shaykh.<br /><br /><br /><br />There has to be something for those people, as well as people who are leaving or escaping from Kharabsheh, to come together and share their experiences and also (this is going to sound so corny) the path to healing. There isn't anything much written about Islamic cults out there. Muslims deny that cults can exist or they will prescribe their version of Islam as the cure, without regard to the damage that you have already suffered. Non-Muslims don't understand us.<br /><br /><br /><br />I think a private message board, email group, or some sort of blog or website where it's controlled by trusted people to avoid spying and spamming and flaming is the best thing right now. The conversation forums at the two blogs got very quickly out of control, which shows that we (the people who left and our families) can't really be safe or secure posting our stories there. People will flame us, tell us we're going to hell, try to intimidate us (which is happening to some of the former murids) or use us for their own ends.<br /><br /><br /><br />I know some of you are out there reading. I leave it up to you to be the ones to create this safe haven. I know most of us need it. My cousin, who had been in Damascus studying with that fraud, said "Only people who were there can understand what we have been through," and I think the same is true for those of us who were in Ktown.<br /><br /><br /><br />Make sure you make it easy to find - put keywords on the site, give it an easy title, link it where you can in Islamic forums before they inevitably remove your link claming it is "fitnah" (as if NK isn't the big fitnah, but they will link to him!) Make sure that members' identities, ip address, even the posts are protected from search engines and curious drive bys. That the spies can't find them and use it against them. I can't wait to see it.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-89359283693713330182009-11-07T08:12:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.660-08:00Shocked!Today I opened my email and had an email from a friend who was in the tariqa pointing me to a blog on the internet. <span style="font-style: italic;">(This is 4 your sake: judging by the content, she is referring to the Salafi Burnout blog, where several posts detailing the problems with Kharabsheh and sh. Nuh and sh. Yaqoubi and other sufi types were written about. That blog was taken down.)</span> Once again, it seems that ex-murids are speaking out against Keller. It is a blog about problems in Salafism and Islamic movements and now the guy actually wrote about the Ktown stuff. He says that he is getting a lot of emails from people all over about it and that's why he chose to write on it. I have to say that I am finding the discussion forum below the post quite shocking, and this is why I do not have comments on my blog. I just want to tell my story, my friends' stories. You know the Keller side of it - and he doesn't have comments on HIS website or blog either.<br /><br /><br /><br />But this is something, I think, that is not going to be stopped. I do not think there is reform possible in Kharabsheh. Nuh Keller has said, "Nuh does not care if you all picked up and left tomorrow, he doesn't need you to be here, doing what he is doing." That is the only way this will end -- if you do as he talks about - pick up and go. If he was genuine, he wouldn't care if his meal tickets picked up and left. There is no reforming NK, UK, and US.<br /><br /><br /><br />I am not sure yet if I want to link to this other blog. I am not sure I want people who are that toxic coming here. There is a lot of anger out there, but what bothers me, naturally, is that most of the ugliness seems to reside in the hearts of those who are saying that they are murids or defending the shaykh in some way. The people who are former murids are clearly angry, but I don't see this ugliness from them for the most part. But as a friend of mine once said, as murids we reflect the state of our shaykh. So some shaykhs have many children and their murids do as well and the tariqa is very oriented towards kids and family. Some shaykhs, like NK, don't have any, and then you find a lot of murids who don't have children or the murids as a whole aren't very family oriented.<br /><br /><br /><br />I'm laughing because I think the comments from the murids on that blog really reflect their shaykh, and their shaykh's two henchwomen.<br /><br /><br /><br />Anyway, I am shocked. I was not expecting to read all that stuff! I think it's a little out of control, actually. but the story is being heard!4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-31698084378224585582009-11-07T07:56:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:07:08.517-08:00Rule realties #2So what is it like to live with the realities of "nose in the dirt," <a href="http://umm-ah.blogspot.com/2009/03/rule-book-2.html">rule #2 in Kharabsheh</a> (and also a tariqa-wide rule)?<br /><br /><br /><br />Many of the rules, if not most of them, governed not only <a href="http://umm-ah.blogspot.com/2009/02/rule-book-1.html">how women can dress</a>, but also behave - in the z, in the house, in friends' homes, in the street. Again, I remind you that the rules for murids in Jordan are very different than the rules - or lack of them - for the murids everywhere else in the world. So if you are a murid from Chicago, and you read this and say "That's not what it's like," just remember - you're in Chicago.<br /><br /><br /><br />So nose in the dirt.<br /><br /><br /><br />Well, first of all, for a period of time, up until about summer of 2007, Um Khayr would give a dars on Tuesday mornings about marriage. These classes were for all women, married or unmarried, and there were, at one point, a few women who weren't murids but were Americans married to local men who would attend. She used non-Islamic books, exclusively. The two "bibles" of the women's group were <a href="http://www.fascinatingwomanhood.net/"><span style="font-style: italic;">Fascinating Womanhood</span> by Helen Andelin</a> and The <a href="http://www.surrenderedwife.com/"><span style="font-style: italic;">Surrendered Wife</span> by Laura Doyle</a>. If you didn't have a copy of these books, there were women who were very eager and happy to lend it to you. NK also allowed us to make copies of these books, saying that because they were unavailable in the bookstores in Jordan, then copyright - as conceived of in Shariah - didn't prevent us from reproducing them ourselves. UK also liked Dr. Laura books, as well as <a href="http://www.divorcebusting.com/">Michele Weiner Davis's</a> books <span style="font-style: italic;">Divorce Busting, Change Your Life and Everyone in It</span>, and <span style="font-style: italic;">the Sex Starved Marriage</span>. Now, you were not supposed to read all of the chapters. For example, she didn't want unmarried women to read the sex starved marriage one and all of us were supposed to skip the chapter in FW about sex and religion, things like that. But overall, she thought these were good books that sort of fell in line with what she was teaching us.<br /><br /><br /><br />Why? I think because they are mainly secular (FW is a Mormon book), and modern and would appeal to us in their tone of voice and writing in a way that a 800 year old book by a man from the Middle East wouldn't. However, even with the familiar names and modern haircuts, the message was basically the same - keep your nose in the dirt. Is your husband about to make a disastrous financial decision? You need to shut up and not "nag" him and question his manliness. Things like that. Week after week, UK taught us how our asking for things - even necessities, how our displeasure at things he may have done that is wrong, how our failure to dress up in sexy clothes and make up all of these things - but most of all, asking to go home to our home countries - were "nagging" and ugly and we would drive him away. "Remember," she would say "polygamy is not illegal in Jordan, and believe me, they do talk about all the problems they have at home and some of them tell each other 'Why not just take another wife and send her home?'"<br /><br /><br /><br />Now, Laura Doyle says that you should never tolerate abuse, but that is not what we exactly learned. UK would say that if you or your husband, in your marriage, were inspiring one another to do wrong by Allah, to not be the best Muslim you could be, then you should divorce, but never, not once, did she tell us it was okay to leave when a man hit you.<br /><br /><br /><br />This is because our dear shaykh had taught us that wife beating is part of the Shariah. I don't know if he knows what that means to some men. He lives an out of touch life. He doesn't visit people in their homes, except rarely. He does not go outside and mingle with the people. He only goes from his home to the masjid and back again. He does not look at people when he is walking up the hill, and does not talk even to most of his male murids. So how does he really know what he is giving permission to?<br /><br /><br /><br />Yet US and UK know, because when some men are hitting them, they go to these wise women for counsel and help. I know, a lot of sisters want sh. Nuh to put their man straight. They think if he tells the husband, the husband will obey but does he tell them at all? Mostly, from the women I know who went to them for help, they told them, "Well, you need to work harder at pleasing him," and "You should bear this with sabr and your reward is in Jannah."<br /><br /><br /><br />There were some women there who, as the months would go by, seemed to shrink and disappear. Some women you would only see on Eid, when SNK encouraged the men to let their wives gather with the other women to celebrate. Some women never talked or had anything to say, they would sit in the corner just watching. They looked so sad.<br /><br /><br /><br />Shortly before the time that C lost his job, there was a mawlid. Maybe about 50 of us were there. All of a sudden, one woman who was very popular but whose physical and mental deterioration were noticeable, began speaking about her husband having sex with her against her will, when she was sick and also when it was haram (ie, her period). The whole room went silent and people turned their faces from her. "My mother has had to pull him off me a few times," she said. "He just can't stay away." She wasn't bragging. She just said it apropos of nothing. "Everyone thinks I am so lucky but I guess I'm not."<br /><br /><br /><br />No one knew what to say, so after a moment, they began to talk about anything and everything else. Later, some of the sisters lectured her about speaking about "her husband's affair" and that she had to protect his reputation. She went to UK and US, and later SNK a number of times, and said that they told her to bear this with patience nad that a lot of wives wished their husbands found them "so desirable." Later, she told a few people he was also sodomizing her, and that UK told her to just "be patient and make duah."<br /><br /><br /><br />There was two or three other women whose husbands were into pornography. US had told a small group of us on one occasion that she knew there were men "watching videos and these things" online, but never were men lectured about this the way that we were constantly lectured on clothing and laughing / talking too loud. I remember one woman was emailing murids asking "What am I supposed to do?" and no one would give her advice, but just "make duah that he is cured of this" and that sort of thing.<br /><br /><br /><br />After I had left the tariqa, I was put in touch with a former murid whose husband was addicted to homosexual pornography. She had been to UK and US numerous times, as well as writing letters to NK, begging for help. They ignored her. When she divorced her husband, they said taht it was her fault that her husabnd had been "misled," even though it is probable that her husband had this issue long before the wifeyboo came along. However, as with most of us, the solution that they offer to men who have gay urges is to get married. The now ex-wife thinks that is what happened in her case.<br /><br /><br /><br />There were men who would stand right up close to the women's doors or right up at the corner of streets, so that women had to brush past them or stop and ask them to move. Although they were told not to do this by one of the shaykh's students, they did it all the time, and this has gone on for years. Instead, the women are lecutred about talking and laughing too loud - not because of noise but because it apparently is alluring to men.<br /><br /><br /><br />I wondered then, when will the men of Kharabsheh be told to take some responsibilities for their nufus? (I know now the answer is "When pigs fly.")<br /><br /><br /><br />After that sister, the one who confessed in the mawlid, left her husband, people began to make duah against her, even though at that time, she was still trying to reconcile with him and get him to go to counseling so they could stay married. I attended a small tea party gathering and out of nowhere, one of the women raised her hands and said "Ya Rabb, please let Brother X find a righteous wife, a good murid," and other women said "Ameen."<br /><br /><br /><br />It was women, who knew that she was suffering, who were her worst enemies. I remember UK told some of us that because she didn't have patience and sabr and iman, Allah could punish her, "even though she thinks she's doing something that is beneficial to her."<br /><br /><br /><br />The bottom line, always, is that anything your husband does or asks for must be borne by you, even if it is against the religion or against your dignity. And for you to seek help or seek justice is a crime against men and against Allah. Many women have left their murid husbands and subsequently left the tariqa. I do not remember any of the women who were divorced in my time in the tariqa who were not labeled as rebellious or "mentally and spiritually unbalanced" later. In some cases, like the woman I told you about, we were told to stop talking to them. Very few stay in the tariqa because when you leave your husband and US and UK unleash their displeasure against you, you learn that the reason they say "Nose in the dirt" is because that is what you are - dirt. And who would want to seek spiritual enlightenment with people who tell you you're dirt and that you're crazy and a bad Muslim for trying to leave an abusive or just bad marriage?<br /><br /><br /><br />I do want to say that I think there are many happy or normal marriages, even in Jordan. In Kharabsheh, I think the happy ones are outweighed by the messed up ones. Many of the women are in Jordan sort of against their will, they are very unhappy by their living situations, and things like that. Almost none of the men work, many of them either rely on savings or they rely on their parents and their wife's parents for money. I think this, as well as being foreigners who don't speak the language in most cases, creates unique pressures and has led to what is going on in Jordan now, where more than 25 couples - the last time I got an update - have been divorced in the past year.<br /><br /><br /><br />They say that they are bringing forth a new age of Islam, a renwal of the golden age, and bringing people back to love and the sunnah. However, what they are doing is teaching women to be silent, even in the face of horrific abuses, and that our value is as sexual objects, brood mares, and cleaning girls. We must absolutely look at the track record of a group of leaders who have had 25 divorces or more just among their Kharabsheh group in the past year, as well as the many nasty divorces that have happened with the tariqa for many years now. Our bad marriages aren't a secret to anyone - except maybe Nuh Keller, who is, it would seem, blissfully unaware of anything.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-55803348864339631272009-11-07T07:32:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:07:08.519-08:00Rule book #22. If you are a wife, you must put your nose in the dirt. NK says this on the tape called "Salik Marriage" I believe. Of course it is no longer available. But never mind, you hear "nose in the dirt" and other platitudes a lot. This is a world wide teaching of the tariqa, but it is more emphasized in Jordan, where US, UK, and NK are there up close to watch you and experiment with you. It is important to remember that the further you are from Jordan or from the inner circles in the UK, Canada, and the US, the further you are from their minds and their concern. If they don't know who you are - and they won't unless you have money or some other noticable characteristic - they don't care what you do or how you behave until it reflects upon them.<br /><br /><br /><br />Nose in the dirt means that whatever your husband does or says to you, you need to bear it with patience and fortitude, rather than fighting him or disagreeing or in any way reacting negatively. Your reward will come in Jannat al Firdaus. Exception might be if he decides to leave Islam, but I will get into more detail later.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-29402751760962393842009-11-07T07:15:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.667-08:00My alarm clockI think that right now I want to skip ahead of the crazy rules and these other things and start getting out the things that led me to see the truth of this cult. So I'm skipping ahead in time, in a way, not talking about the little things that bothered me over the years or months, but straight up to the time not that long ago when I realized what I was involved in.<br /><br /><br /><br />So, once upon a time --<br /><br /><br /><br />I heard some grumbling about a brother, NS, who was involved in one of their businesses. Nothing specific, more about his inability to handle money. Which murids were complaining this all the time about one another. I didn't think much of it other than "Well, another murid businessman who doesn't have his stuff straight?"<br /><br /><br /><br />Then someone came to me. They had heard that one of NS's employees was interested in doing a project with me. This person, who was a long time respected murid very close to the shaykh and US, wanted to warn me. Not about his inability to handle money, but about the "spiritual harms" of working with him or his business. The shaykh had drawn a group of murids together and told them that the business was now "about people's egos" and not serving Allah and that "we should turn our backs on it." That meant to continue to work with them or deal with them would mean that you were risking disobedience of the shaykh. Often things would come up that would "separate the wheat from the chaff," as it were. This was one of those times.<br /><br /><br /><br />Still, at that time it didn't resonate with me. I didn't think the man was this rampant egoist that the shaykh was making him out to me, but it didn't ring any bells for me.<br /><br /><br /><br />NS moved away from our area. I don't know if he was still a murid at that point. The boycott stepped up. The business shut. And then something else happened.<br /><br /><br /><br />Another murid, C, lost his job with another murid company, and we were told to avoid him and his wife. I asked why this was happening. They said that like NS, he and his wife were questioning shaykh's rules, disobeying, creating strife and that we had to avoid them for our own spiritual good.<br /><br /><br /><br />Lost his job. Because he questioned. I realized that what the "turn your backs" with NS was about was about this. Someone told me later it's called blackballing. They were not the first nor the last to be blackballed. But it's what drew apart the drapes for me. I started to see what was going on, and I didn't like it.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-4037214651344691392009-11-04T16:52:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.668-08:00Talking to myselfAs I reviewed the posts I've written and the ones I've got in draft I thought, you know, who is going to read this?<br /><br /><br /><br />Should I tell my friends about it? Some former murids want to warn the whole world. Some want to be left alone. Some want to talk about it with others who were there, some don't want to talk about it at all. People who weren't there don't get it. It's sort of like "What is the point, in what you are doing?"<br /><br /><br /><br />I was shocked to see the tariqa being discussed on another blog, but in the comments section rather than a post. It was like an organic or spontaneous outpouring of the hurt, the emotion, the anger at what happened there. Not organized at all. Not controlled. It burned out kind of quick I think. Most of us waited in the wings, to see what would happen. I was told they were very upset about it in Jordan and wanted to know if they could trace the IPs of the people who posted! How crazy is that. The guy's blog who it was on isn't even one of their fans, but I guess someone thought they could influence him to get the IPs. I don't know if they asked him or anything, just that one of them wanted to.<br /><br /><br /><br />One of my cousins is also a convert to Islam. That is how I was introduced to all of this really. That relative was in another tariqa. Well same tariqa, but different shaykh. About a year ago or a little more, all of their people fell apart from some craziness too. At the time I thought, "This is the nafs or egos of the people, they don't want to obey their shaykh. They should look past his faults." But I didn't know the realties then.<br /><br /><br /><br />Muslims brag about not having priests and rabbis. What they have are scholars and shaykhs, and the truth is that we treat them the same way. If not worse, in the sense that Muslims - some of us - see them as infallible. They think a shaykh can not make a mistake much less commit the sorts of sins that cause people to gasp or shake their head. Some people, if you want to talk about this they will say "Have some adab with the shaykh!" It's like he is a god - astaghfirallah - and you can't make a peep about him that isn't 100% positive.<br /><br /><br /><br />I think that is how some of these shaykhs get away with scam artist stuff. With sex stuff. With crazy stuff. Now I know some realities I really think that at least a few of these guys are seriously mentally ill. But because they have shaykh in front of their name, no one will say that, no one will give voice to their doubts or fears, no one will question them.<br /><br /><br /><br />There shouldn't be anyone between you and Allah in Islam, but we put them in the place of the priests. Where in the Quran or Sunnah does it say that they are infallible, that they don't commit sins, that you should continue to learn from them or give them money or patronage when you know they are dishonest or hurting someone or completely out of their minds? Where? Pray for them yes, help them yes, but why empower them??? Because someone decided they should be called "shaykh"??<br /><br /><br /><br />So I'm wondering, who will read this? Maybe I will let people find it. Maybe I won't share it with anyone, and it will just be a voice in the wind. What I hope is that it is around for the likes of my son and all the young little Muslims out there, so that if this is still going on when he is old enough, he can learn from our mistakes and our experiences.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-22196144266346777142009-11-04T16:42:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.670-08:00Time out . GlossaryI am going to make some shortcuts here so I don't type the same things over and over.<br /><br />SNK, NK, NHMK is referring to Sh. Nuh Keller.<br /><br />US, BK, Besa is referring to his wife, Um Sahl.<br /><br />HH, UK, Hedaya is referring to Hedaya Hartford, who they call Um Khayr. US's best friend and the "third" in command so to speak.<br /><br />AM is Ashraf Muneeb, SNK's best friend and the second shaykh of Ktown. But he is very quiet and tends to stay out of the drama for the most part.<br /><br />Ktown is Kharabsheh where they all live. I might have to write it K depending on how lazy I feel!<br /><br />The Z is the zawiya, a large space for dikr and hadra and these things. It isn't a masjid.<br /><br />The T is the tariqa.<br /><br />The S are the whole Shadhili tariqa.<br /><br />If there are more that come up, I will post them here.<br /><br />Also this is mostly just for me and maybe a few others. Not a formal book. I know there are mistakes in the spelling and grammar, but I'm getting this out. I'm not writing a thesis!4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-82630836675940533122009-11-04T16:35:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:07:08.521-08:00Rule realities #1We will take a short break from our tale to ponder what the realities and ramifications of the rules are.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://ktown-survivors.blogspot.com/2009/11/rule-book-1.html">Rule #1</a> is that women should be totally covered but for the eyes and hands at all times in public in Jordan. You must wear the baggiest, blackest, plainest clothes because Um Sahl says that the brothers fear they may lose their sexual purity if they see you wearing flowers with scarves or jilbabs with embroidered cuffs.<br /><br /><br /><br />I have had a long time to think about and talk about and live the realities and the results of these rules on the hearts and minds of the men and women of Ktown.<br /><br /><br /><br />I know that some of the murids who have never been to Jordan say "Big deal, you know the rule when you go there" but as it is with people who don't know what they are talking about this is not the case. Especially because a lot of people who say this are men and they are the ones who benefit from this rule. The rules are constantly changing and getting stricter. Murids who have been in the tariqa far longer and with more dedication than some of these people were upset about these new rules. Some people go when things are so lax that murid women were not wearing niqab past the block of the zawiya. They go home and say "No that rule is over with" and people think the rules have shifted. Because they do change -- all the time. With Qasid out of the way, and Qasid students strongly encouraged NOT to live in the neighborhood, the rules are becoming stricter.<br /><br /><br /><br />What is the result of this rule? The result is that women who do not conform to it, as you have read, are outcast. They are cast in the roles of temptresses and jezebels. They are portrayed as disobedient, strong willed women who would rather revel in their feminine wiles than obey the shaykh and keep the men pure. You will be sitting with a circle of women having tea or a dars with one of the Ums and she will just mention, casually, that "Sister so and so isn't interested in the rules" and things like that. That woman isn't interested in real Islam, so why is she here.<br /><br /><br /><br />It is an abnormal world where a woman who puts on a jilbab with a scarf that has blue and yellow stripes in it is turned into a sexpot. Think about that! Even in Jordan, if you wear jilbab you are already considered conservative and a holy pious woman. But not in Kharabsheh. In Kharabsheh you are made to feel like a whore, a deviant for wanting to wear pastels or colors or show your face so you can breathe. Sometimes the murids go to Egypt for a vacation and you hear them telling each other "And I wore a skirt! And a yellow hijab!" You start to feel that everything about you is your sexuality, that every man is a potential victim or wants to be with you - because that is what they tell you!<br /><br /><br /><br />More than this - there are now rules about what you can wear in front of other women in the privacy of the home, such as no tank tops or jeans. The only time you can wear jeans and tees and tank tops is if your husband asks you to. Whatever the husband wants from his wife and finds sexy, she must wear it. Single women should never wear jeans, period. "Do you see me wearing pants?" Um Sahl asks. "Don't you want to dress like the people of Jannah?" Women are further divided to two groups - those who wear jeans and tshirts and "the clothes of the kufar" at home and those who dress like Um Sahl at home - a long skirt over pants, top, sweater or some sort of light vest, and hijab (yes hijab at home) or shalwar kameez. The ones who wear pants and tees at home, or who even wear pajama sets with pants, are seen as "not being serious" about their "suluk" or about being in the tariqa.<br /><br /><br /><br />In some of the Qasid situations you had single women who weren't in the tariqa forced to wear abaya at all times AT HOME because they were roomed with a fanatical murid who would lecture them about true modesty and not "showing off your body" in front of others. I wonder if there was a fear of lesbianism between the women? That's what it felt like to one of my friends. "I'm feeling like if I wear a tshirt and capris, this woman is going to think I'm trying to seduce her," she told me shortly before she left.<br /><br /><br /><br />The ramification of the rule is that men have no willpower and control over their sexuality. They are ready willing and able to be turned on by the smallest thing, such as the voices of women, the pressence of women , or a decorative button on her jilbab. Why is he looking at her jilbab? Never mind - it's her fault. So if he propositions her or God forbids, attacks her... Is that her fault too?<br /><br /><br /><br />The man who complained about the light blue raincoat said that it was sexually alluring. What sort of headcase is turned on by a raincoat? Only someone who has it drummed into him that everything about women is about sex, and that women are out to destroy his spirit and all his hard work. That they are out to seduce him. Only a man who is taught to view women as trouble and a threat and only for sex would think to complain about a raincoat.<br /><br /><br /><br />The people who don't come to Jordan aren't subjected to this mindset. The men in Jordan are very isolated from the world. Most of them don't have jobs and never really need to leave the neighborhood, so they don't see that most of the women either don't wear hijab or don't wear strict abaya. If the only women you see or most of the women you see for days on end are like black tents with feet, then the one who comes with her light blue jilbab will catch your eye.<br /><br /><br /><br />This is the sickness of Saudi that they decry when they're at home in London or California but in Jordan it seems normal.<br /><br /><br /><br />So that is the reality and the ramficiations of rule #1. It's not because people don't know about the "niqab rule" beforehand. It's that it is changing all the time and growing stricter. It's that they want to put this rule on women who aren't even murids. It's that the women are forced into a mode of dressing that makes them stand out even more in Jordan, where the murids are already made fun of and stick out and people dislike them. That's what the problem with it is.4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-60312342734697858112009-11-04T15:52:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:07:08.522-08:00The Rule book #1Once upon a time --<br /><br />Actually this is not really once upon a time. These are some of the rules, official and unofficial, that you have to follow to advance in the tariqa according to Um Sahl. I say Um Sahl because that is who is the shaykh of the women in many ways. We have little to no contact with the shaykh although we can hear his dars from our special enclosed balcony in the zawiya. We were constantly reminded of how lucky we were to be in the tariqa, as the shaykh did not want to give baya to women in the early days. Um Sahl was our savior - she got him to take us in so that we could take some of his wisdom and guidance for ourselves.<br /><br />So these are some of the rules I can remember, both official and unofficial that you live by in Ktown.<br /><br />1. The most important rule of Kharabsheh. Women must wear niqab at all times in Jordan. A lot of women don't follow this rule in reality. They only wear it in the neighborhood or in Amman. You are encouraged to tell on women who don't wear the niqab, or if you see someone not wearing it properly - more on that later. Every few months, Um Sahl or even the shaykh would have a lecture on this matter. (Women have a monthly session with the shaykh on Fridays). As the time went by, the rules about niqab and clothing got stricter.<br /><br />Many sisters felt odd or silly next to the Qasid sisters who didn't have to follow the rules or who stopped following the dress rules, especially when Qasid moved to their new building. Also some women complained of being mistaken for Salafis, which in Jordan is sometimes not a good thing. One sister was taken by the authorities at the airport because they thought she was a Salafi and they grilled her about her politics and terrorism until they realized she wasn't a threat and let her go. So they started to follow the lead of Qasid women and stopped wearing the niqab and all black etc in some instances.<br /><br />Recently stricter rules were laid down. Flowery hijabs and these things were always discouraged, but now it is a rule. No flowers, no stripes, no pretty colors like yellow or pink. Abayas or jilbabs can't have any embroidery, decorative buttons or sequins on them. If you have ever seen jilbabs in Jordan you know this is an impossible rule! Socks must be worn at all times, preferably in black (prior to this you didn't have to wear socks, because most of us were Hanafis).<br /><br />Also, at this time, women started to be discouraged in their shoes and purses. No pretty colors, no patterns, no flowers, no butterflies and things like that. Shoes should be black or navy or brown and practical looking. Arab women wore heels, but the sturdy teacher kind. The foreigners (that's us) wore regular flats and sandals.<br /><br />Finally, the abaya or jilbab must come away from your body the length of a handspan. That is about 5 inches on each side. It is impossible for some sisters to find abays or jilbabs this big - Jordanian jilbabs are not very baggy. They are fashionable but loose, still showing a feminine shape but in no way hugging your body. It became hard on many women to find approved clothing and they started to wear the big Egyptian khimars to cover up "tight" jilbabs that didn't pass the handspan test. These types of hijabs are not popular in Jordan either, but conveniently Um Sahl has a friend who makes and sells these that you can buy them from! With these types of hijabs and the niqabs, the women now look very Salafi and somewhat foreign to the Jordanians, and they stand out even more.<br /><br />Now the rule is that even if you are not in the tariqa, you should wear niqab if you are in the neighborhood and if you live in the neighborhood but aren't in the tariqa, then you should wear niqab all the time in ALL of Jordan. How can they lay this rule and enforce it? Allahu alim. It seems like after the troubles of the last two years with the Qasiders they want them to move on and move out and move away. More isolation of the Kharabsheh people from the rest of the world. The world is a bad place, full of temptations, in Sh. Keller's view. I guess now that includes Muslims for them too!<br /><br />With every rule that was put in effect, especially the ones about colors, khimars, embroidery, and the handspan, it became harder on the women. Many women were unhappy and feel like if the men can't control themselves at the sight of embroidery, then THEY are the one with the problem. Because the thing is that if you are a murid in America or England or Egypt or anywhere else but Jordan and Syria (and there aren't any murids in Syria), you can wear whatever you want as long as it is following the rules of hijab! Pink, flowers, skirts, tops, pants, heels, nice purses, embroidery -- you can wear all of that everywhere else and no one lectures you about how you're attempting to seduce the brothers of the tariqa with your flowery hijab. So really, living in Jordan with the tariqa is like being in the twilight zone.<br /><br />What happens to women who don't follow the rules? The first time you go to the zawiya in improper dress, they might look the other way because you are new or a visitor. A lot of Qasiders come to visit and they're not murids. They want them to become murids, so they go easy on them. I remember a Qasider came in jeans and a barely-there hijab once and some of the hardcore murids were just about having heart attacks because of it. The second time you will be told, if you weren't already, about how to dress. The third time you will have to leave.Personally in my time there I saw women who broke the rules in big and small ways humiliated in front of the other women. Not like you were stood up and shamed in a circle but for example, Um Sahl would tell three sisters "Oh you know, that sister X has been wearing an abaya with red trim. It's so pretty. Too pretty. You have to wonder about people who don't want to follow the shaykh's rules on clothing and draw closer to Allah through their obedience."<br /><br />Or if she walked by the sister she would say "What a pretty abaya, fit for a princess." That sounds innocent enough but the tone of voice, the look on the face, the smirk, all were a clear message to a woman to get rid of her abaya, as soon as possible.<br /><br />Or she would see a sister with some friends and tell her, in front of them, "Your abaya is against the rules, you need to straighten up and follow the rules." So now a woman's friends were witness to her humiliation and also got the message that they would be treated the same if they didn't march in line.<br /><br />The worst was to be caught not wearing niqab or to be complained about by a man.<br /><br />I remember one woman had a light blue raincoat. It wasn't anything special. This lady was an average looking person and she had children. Her husband was a popular guy and well known that they were married. She stood out because she was the only person with the permission to not wear niqab. She always wore an abaya over her clothes. One day a man complained about her raincoat. He said the light blue color was alluring to him and the sister was called to Um Sahl who told her to stop wearing the coat. "You look like a Smurf" Um Sahl said to her.<br /><br />That sister was so embarrassed but also outraged and told many people about it. A lot of women hate how the men have the power to humiliate them and get them in trouble with a few words, yet no one says anything. The men have all the power there.<br /><br />People would be angry when a woman was told on by a man or by another woman, but that didn't mean that they stood up against tattle tales or against this way of doing things. Humiliation was how we were kept in line. There was a popular sister who hated niqab and she stopped wearing it. She wasn't a murid. Many people told Um Sahl on her and Um Sahl told her in the women's balcony that she had better start wearing it and she had no excuses. Why? I thought people who aren't murids means that they didn't take a baya to obey the shaykh? Everyone was angry about that too, but still, that didn't change the culture of tattling on rule "breakers".<br /><br />Now, when you are caught breaking the rules on clothing, some people are cast out. I mean that the very top sisters, the popular murids who are very close to Um Sahl and Um Khayr will stop greeting you, they will not look at you, some of them will not invite you over. Some of them will lecture you about your clothes, but mostly they stop talking to you. One sister would make fun of peopel who don't wear big khimars and niqabs, saying that "You're walking around naked! Wait till the brothers get a look at you!"<br /><br />That's the most important rule from the rule book. And here our story ends.<br /><br /><br />Um AH4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7267909101429948078.post-49021255367233690732009-11-04T15:45:00.000-08:002010-01-04T16:05:34.676-08:00To Achieve MoreOnce upon a time -- <br /><br />I wanted to achieve more as a Muslim and a human being. When I was introduced to the tariqa of Nuh Keller, I thought I had found the answer. There was a focus on learning and studying fiqh and Arabic that I liked, but also on these sort of mystical things. You have to make a wird three times a day - al amm twice and hizbul bahr once a day. It was like studying and enriching your mind so you can prepare to really approach Allah in all of his glory.<br /><br />I got the chance to go to Jordan to study. A lot of us came there to study Arabic at Q.I., and some people came on Fulbrights. Some people went there for a few months to just live with the shaykh and make a lot of dikr. I thought I was so blessed to go to Jordan.<br /><br />Keller has thousands of disciples, around the world. A few hundred live in Jordan and many do come and go for months at a time, and it is constantly changing. They live in Kharabsheh, a regular part of Amman. Not a compound or something like people think, but a regular neighborhood. One of the people there nicknamed it K-town and the name has stuck, sometimes not in a good way. Not all murids are invited or allowed to travel or move to Jordan.<br /><br />One thing I learned quickly is how big the tariqa is and how you're not that significant in it. Keller doesn’t even know the names of most of his murids, some of whom take bayah over the phone and never talk to him again or even see him. I knew one sister who took bayah with him many years ago. He gave her the wird to say and she never saw him or heard from him again. She was too poor and too busy raising a family to go to the suhba, which isn't child friendly anyway, so it's like they forgot about her. I don't know if she is still a murid. When I told her that I was going to get the chance to go there, she seemed completely unenthused about it.<br /><br />There is one set of rules for the murids who live in Jordan and another completely different set of guidelines for those who don’t come to Jordan. Within Jordan, some murids are required to live under stricter control than others. Almost all the problems with the Keller group concerns those who lived or stayed in Jordan, and most of the complaints of ex-Sufis and other Muslims are about this particular branch of the Shadhillis.<br /><br /><br />Soon, my life would become about the adherence to these rules, in an obsessive compulsive way. I remember that we were told about a murid who went crazy with OCD after being in Kharabsheh and listening to the shaykh or one of the murids teach on purity. After living there, it is not surprising to me that someone with an obsessive personality might be attracted to him. There is so much emphasis on this rule and that rule, all having to do with the outward appearances and physical things. It reminded me of the Salafis in a lot of ways. What was I hoping to achieve? By the time I woke up, my goal had become pleasing Um Sahl in making sure that my clothing was as black, baggy and plain as possible. Like many of the women there, Um Sahl and</content></entry> Um Khayr became my focus - making them happy and staying on their good side.<br /><br />Um A-H4 your sakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08706756798096050047noreply@blogger.com