The people who were upset said said, "This same things can be said about the religion, so you can't say it about tariqas." In other words, you could apply these same negative things to socalled "traditional Islam" (the bigger cult) or to Islam or christianity, etc. so therefore you shouldn't say it because they want to hint that you could be making a big sin with Allah.
I can see where they are coming from, but that is a terrible reason to try and keep people quiet. They're just trying to stop the criticism of their idols, their shaykhs, and the path that they have chosen. Maybe their choice isn't strong enough to withstand criticism and questioning. The tariqas are cults. Maybe religion is just cults that have come to be accepted by society, but the point is that if your faith is too weak to withstand an examination of negative, destructive factors that certain religious or other groups have in common, then maybe you should work on yourself instead of trying to censor and shut people up. Maybe you should rely a little more on Allah and a little less on trying to bully people or on your so-called shaykh. I have read the BITE checklist many times and thought about it and I am still Muslim, so alhamdu-lillah, I don't think that it will make you have a bad thoughts about your imaan as a Muslim if you are committed to it.
About 8 months ago, I received this checklist in email from a fellow survivor; it was written by another ex-Kharabsheh person as a means of examining and realizing what we had been involved with. Saying the word "cult" about the tariqa, or anything to do with Islam, was difficult. Partly because we believe that these are things that happen to other religions and partly because it is difficult to understand why Allah might give us a test of this magnitude. In talking to other former members, it seems that the moment we realized it was a "cult" and used this word was a momentous one. One of awakening, in a way.
For some people, the reality of its existence as a cult does not take value from whatever positive or enlightening experiences they had in the tariqa. For others, nothing that was good about the tariqa can overcome it's problems. This journal which is now a blog is meant for the survivors, the parents, the siblings, the friends who are concerned about someone who is in the cult and are concerned about them. Who miss them. I want to reassure you that I do not think that a single person in the cult other than those who have pre-existing mental illnesses are in any physical danger or serious psychological danger. I don't think it is a Jonestown type of situation, and I don't think that the murids or the leaders would have people physically harmed. At least I hope they wouldn't! But there will be long term psychological, spiritual and financial damage for many people who go to Kharabsheh or who are otherwise involved in the cult. Others suffer financially, professionally and socially. There is harm and it's taking place. It's just not as urgent as poisoned Koolaid.
One thing is for sure, until the members of the cult are at the point where they are ready to recognize it as such, then all of this is pointless. For example, when I made the choice to share my journal here as a blog, I wanted to share it for the sake of other ex-members, not as a means of trying to wake up those who are still in it, whether they are in Jordan or not. I think those who are in Jordan have a better chance of waking up, because you are in the heart of it right now. It's all around you. But as we know, it is Allah who guides and misguides one along the paths of life. You may be a Muslim who is misguided. Certainly, we are taught this in our masjid and in the tariqa itself. And I am telling you this and it is nothing you've not heard before. People who don't want to believe, who have turned their hearts against the truth, then no truth will be recognized by them.
Originally, I had planned to post it back at the beginning, but then I held off while the story developed. Then my friend emailed me and said that the original writer was okay with it being used by any ex-murid who finds it useful, but that she wanted to fix it up a bit. She sent me back a "cleaned up" version of it and here it is for you.
by Amatul-Hadi
Steve Hassan is a counselor who specializes in dealing with those who are recovering from cult movements. In his book Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves, he lays out the BITE model of cult control. B stands for Behavior Control, I stands for Information Control, T stands for Thought Control and E stands for Emotion Control. Hassan explains that the cult leader or leadership employ a broad range of manipulative techniques to exact total or near total control over their followers. I recommend this book to anyone who is leaving the Kharabsheh tariqa or any other destructive Sufi tariqa or who has a family member or friend in an Islamic cult. Until the day that our Muslim leadership recognizes and develops methods to recognize, deprogram and help heal survivors of Islamic cults, then there is no problem referencing the beneficial works of non-Muslims. This is even something that the tariqa itself teaches, as Um Khayr teaches people how to conduct themselves in marriage using the works of non-Muslims.
Note that Hassan says that it is not necessary for every single component of the model to be present in order for the group to be recognized as a cult movement. My comments highlighting what parts of the BITE model I found present in Kharabsheh are interspersed.
Behavior Control
- Regulation of individual's physical reality, including: "Where, how, and with whom the member lives and associates, what clothes, colors, hairstyles the person wears, what food the person eats, drinks, adopts, and rejects, how much sleep the person is able to have, financial dependence, little or no time spent on leisure, entertainment, vacations."
As for leisure & entertainment, this is forbidden or highly discouraged. Television, music and movies are forbidden across the tariqa, but especially in Jordan. However, even some of the "very good" murids are secretly swapping DVDs and watching YouTube and then they experience some guilt about this, or they end up having these "big secrets." People who sit outside of Jordan and say that only weak murids can't follow this rule would be surprised at the names in the tariqa who listen to music or watch movies and TV. Books waver between forbidden and not forbidden (he tells you the "best" kind of books to read), and people who have "too much fiction" on their shelves or the "wrong kinds" of books about tasawuf, etc. are gossiped about or reported.
- Major time commitment required for indoctrination sessions and group rituals
Yes, you have to spend time in "suhba" with him. If he comes to your town, you should spend your time with him; if you live in Jordan, you should attend his majalis. To not do so is bad manners. If you don’t live in Jordan, you need to attend the weekly dhikr or however often it is held. This is true in all Sufi groups, but they are known to punish or ostracize and "follow up" with people who are absent from their gatherings. The main exception is, these days, for women with children or women whose husbands are forbidding them from leaving the home. If there is no separate accomodation for women with small children apart from men and women without them at the latifiya, then the women with children are required to stay home. That is the worldwide rule for the tariqa, not only Jordan.
- Need to ask permission for major decisions
All murids, or at least many of them, ask him before getting married; many ask him what they should name their children. Some people do not marry except who Besa or Hedaya tells them to marry. Some ask him about moving or taking on a new job or leaving their current job and going to university. This is true in other Sufi groups too. With our tariqa, though, the marriage thing is on a level not seen in the Damascene Shadhiliya or any other tariqa except those who are rooted in the West. The shuyukh in Damascus have expressed dismay and disapproval regarding the marital customs of our tariqa, saying that it is not usual for a sheykh to be so involved in this area of a person's life and that it is an area that is meant for the dervish's parents and family to be involved in.
- Need to report thoughts, feelings, and activities to superiors
Not so much, but you are encouraged to go to the big four to talk about your hard times and your struggles, which sounds completely benign and could be, were it not for everything else.
- Rewards and punishments (behavior modification techniques -- positive and negative)
Big time in our tariqa. Those who are good or are otherwise having an "in", get put in khalwa, isolation, which they’re told will bring them to the "next level" spiritually speaking. They get to live in the newly built apartments near the sheikh, or they get put in special rankings in their town. They may find themselves recommended for marriage to favoured murids. Although they deny the existence of the "inner circles" it exists in Jordan and in some of the other cities, and every murid knows this. Those who are bad, who do not obey, who do not conform or are in some other way "undesirable", are snubbed, shunned, and eventually blacklisted. Women are subject to intense gossip which is spread about them online, mainly of the sort that they are mentally ill.
- Individualism discouraged; "group think" prevails
I believe this is could be the hallmark of our tariqa, even outside of the Jordan group. You are encouraged to think a certain way and have the same opinions on different issues. Conveniently, Sunnipath.com is set up to tell us all how to understand and follow Islam. Over the years, we have been discouraged, subtly and not so subtly, to stop following some of the sheykhs in fiqh, something that has hurt and angered those outside of the tariqa.
You are encouraged to seek out its teachers, your muqaddams and others to make sure that you have the "right" thoughts and dress. If the sheykh expresses pleasure about something, murids will run out to copy it, be it food or a book. And if he expresses displeasure, we run out to rid ourselves of it as well, as though following this man's likes and dislikes in food or home decor will give us entry to Jannat al Firdaus. Sometimes, as a means of showing us favour, one of the big four would mention to us something that they liked or didn't like in a more private setting, the implication being that they were showing us some favourable advantage by telling us something they like or dislike that we could implement or get rid of and thereby gain spiritual advantage over our peers.
- Rigid rules and regulations
I think this is well established. First, there is an entire manual available for the tariqa as a whole, if not several (one of which is out of print I think). Second, there is an additional manual meant for those who are coming to Kharabsheh. In addition to this, there are many rules that are relayed verbally, in the durus, over the internet on the suhba lists, or via personal communication. At all times, you are told that to follow these rules of the sheykh and his wife is to please Allah.
- Need for obedience and dependency
It is all about getting into Jannat because you obeyed him and thereby pleased Allah. They are known to tell you "the sheykh's istikharah said such and so" as a means of convincing you to undertake something, be it a marriage or divorce or what have you. This gives you the illusion that if you do not do what they are telling you to do, you are literally disobeying Allah, and is giving rise to the hereforto unstated belief that Allah speaks through him - and I say Astaghferullah.
Information Control
- Use of deception
I believe this is true. Many of us believed the sheykh was an ijazah bearing authority in fiqh, which he is not. This is something literally thousands of Muslims believe! There is the more general deception of the tariqa being portrayed as something it absolutely is not, in the end. Of course, many stories are floated around the suhba groups or the neighbourhood in Kharabsheh to put out misinformation about a murid who has fallen from favour.
- Deliberately holding back information, distorting information to make it more "acceptable," "outright lying."
I believe this is true on an Islamic sense, as well as a more general sense. The same as above.
- Access to non-cult sources of information minimized or discouraged
- Media (books, articles, newspapers, magazines, TV, radio), critical information, former members, keep members so busy they don't have time to think and check things out.
- Hassan also makes mention of communication with former members being forbidden or discouraged.
The hallmark. These things are a “waste of time” and it is not pleasing to Allah for you to read the paper or watch the news. You are not supposed to read books written by other than his approved list (including fiction books, but most people disregard this openly). You cannot get any Islamic knowledge from other than those he approves of, even other sheykhs in the same tariq, and including parenting information, even though he has no children. Very famously, many of us tossed out or gave away all of our Sheykh Hamza materials when he told us to, and that had led to a well-known rift between the Muslims in some places. People who read news, etc. are seen as not spiritually striving, touched by the dunya, etc. This is true all over the world, depending on the tariqa's standing in that city and how close a murid is to the latifiya group.
As for communicating with former members, this is well known and apparent in what is going on today. People who leave the tariqa are vilified to the point where people have left friends they have had for longer than they were in the tariqa. They also fear that if it is known they remain in touch with someone who has left him, then they will be kicked out.
- Compartmentalization of information; Outsider vs. Insider doctrines: "Information is not freely accessible, information varies at different levels and missions within pyramid, leadership decides who "needs to know" what and when."
- Spying on other members is encouraged including: "Pairing up with "buddy" system to monitor and control, reporting deviant thoughts, feelings, and actions to leadership, individual behavior monitored by whole group."
- Extensive use of cult generated information and propaganda
They are getting better at this with their recent websites, with the jewel in the crown being the spath website. They have been disseminating their tapes and now CDs to members through semi-exclusive channels for years, although this website now has some materials available to the general public. They also have a private website where they are told to download and listen to all of his audios. People outside of Jordan listen to these things at their weekly or monthly gathering.
- Unethical use of confession, including: "Information about "sins" used to abolish identity boundaries, past "sins" used to manipulate and control (no forgiveness or absolution)."
Not in public. However, sometimes people confess things privately in email or conversation that is then repeated or sent to other people in the neighbourhood, so that then everyone knows about someone's problem or issues. In this way a person is ostracised from their friends and the general company and can be moved "out of the way".
Thought Control
- Need to internalize the group's doctrine as "Truth", such as: "Adopting the group's map of reality as "Reality" (Map = Reality), Black and White thinking, Good vs. Evil, Us vs. Them (inside vs. outside)."
Yes. Not only about Islam, but about tasawuf, and then ultimately, our tariqa as the "only true Shadhilis". This is increasing in the past years, especially after Sheykh Shaghouri passed away, rahimullah, and the rift with the rest of the tariqa sheykhs in Damascus.
- Use of "loaded" language (for example, "thought-terminating clichés"). Words are the tools we use to think with. These "special" words constrict rather than expand understanding, and can even stop thoughts altogether. They function to reduce complexities of experience into trite, platitudinous "buzz words."
Yes, this is well, well known. He takes the words of Islam and tasawuf and uses them to achieve these things.
- Only "good" and "proper" thoughts are encouraged.
Yes.
- Use of hypnotic techniques to induce altered mental states
Yes, and some may take issue with this because it all falls under the rubric of "Sufi practises and rituals," but it is being done nonetheless, every Wednesday and Friday for starters.
- Manipulation of memories and implantation of false memories
Not that I am aware of as far as implanting false memories. However, I would say there is definitely maniuplation of people as far as what they recall about specific incidents or even things like their own marriages, including their feelings about those things.
- Use of thought-stopping techniques, which shut down "reality testing" by stopping "negative" thoughts and allowing only "good" thoughts
Other than standard Islamic practises meant to keep the whispers of shaytan away, I am not aware of this being used in the tariqa.
- Rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism. No critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy seen as legitimate
Absolutely. After the rift with Damascus a few years ago, mention of the Damascene sheykhs prompted sneers or "who is that individual?" questions with arched eyebrows. Brothers who have attempted constructive criticism and critical questioning about business practises and other things in the tariqa have been kicked out. We are taught to think of him as perfect, and he himself says that he does not commit sins. He says that a directive from his wife should be considered as a directive from himself and is therefore to be obeyed by all murids. His wife has spent a lot of time complaining to the murids that they are not obeying her.
- No alternative belief systems viewed as legitimate, good, or useful
Absolutely. Of course, some may say that this is true of Islam as a whole, but for us, even other sheykhs in our own tariqa are seen as illegitimate, let alone those who have no tariqa at all.
Emotional Control
- Manipulate and narrow the range of a person's feelings.
This seems to be more with the women than with the men. Definitely the women were strongly pushed and taught to suppress their feelings about issues relating to their marriages, such as if they were unhappy in Jordan, if they felt their husbands were inattentive or were otherwise unhappy or if they were abused. We were taught that these things should not be talked about or discussed with friends, and especially not with relatives such as mothers.
- Make the person feel that any problems are always their fault, never the leader's or the group's.
Yes. Anyone who struggles with their directives, from marriage and divorce through the way they educate their children, and how they eat is made to think that this is their shaytan and their hawa speaking, and not the perfect sheykh. He never, ever makes a mistake and you are never to question what he or his wife tell you to do. Even people who question their parenting directives are made to feel that it is their fault for being evil enough to question, and not legitimate to question that they don’t know anything about raising kids.
- Excessive use of guilt: identity guilt (who you are, not living up to your potential, your family, your past, your affiliations, your thoughts, feelings, actions), social guilt, historical guilt.
Yes of course this is present - that is why you need him!
- Excessive use of fear: fear of thinking independently, fear of the "outside" world, fear of enemies, fear of losing one's "salvation", fear of leaving the group or being shunned by group, fear of disapproval.
Yes, so much so that even some people who have quit the tariqa because of the behaviour of the big four and their friends still think that he holds their keys to Jannat. People outside of the tariqa are misguided and too much time with them could lead you astray. We strive to win the approval of the big four, because they tell us many times that they are our leaders to the akhirah.
- Extremes of emotional highs and lows.
Yes, this happens, but depending on your situation in the tariqa. I don't think it happens very much for the average person.
- Ritual and often public confession of "sins".
No, this is not done in public and was not encouraged at all as it is in other cults. However, people are told they can confess their problems and sins to the big four, and the two women in particular take pleasure in revealing to an individual that they know all about their "secrets" such as having DVDs or whatever - which they are told by those who have engaged in spying and tattling. Sometimes these sins or problems are revealed in a semi-public setting.
- Phobia indoctrination: inculcating irrational fears about ever leaving the group or even questioning the leader's authority. The person under mind control cannot visualize a positive, fulfilled future without being in the group. Including: No happiness or fulfillment "outside"of the group, terrible consequences will take place if you leave: "hell"; "demon possession"; "incurable diseases"; "accidents"; "suicide"; "insanity"; "10,000 reincarnations"; etc. Also, shunning of leave takers. Fear of being rejected by friends, peers, and family. There is never a legitimate reason to leave. From the group's perspective, people who leave are: "weak;" "undisciplined;" "unspiritual;" "worldly;" "brainwashed by family, counselors;" seduced by money, sex, rock and roll.
Yes of course. Many people who leave are "blackballed", which means you don't talk to them or do business with them. All of the above things are said about us - that we are worldly and unspiritual, misguided in Islam and mentally ill. Sometimes if someone leaves the implication is that the person is straying from Islam as a whole. And some have. Allah has seen fit to reveal the reality to those who are knowledgable and sincere enough to ask him continuously for the truth, even when it hurts. And it is never too late to leave the destruction of this tariqa-cult behind. Even if it costs your marriage or your money, the freedom that you have spiritually and mentally cannot be compared, not to mention the knowledge that you are leaving behind misguidance. Ask Him, always, to lead you straight, and away from misguidance and harm. Accept that He tests you.
