Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Rule book #1

Once upon a time --

Actually this is not really once upon a time. These are some of the rules, official and unofficial, that you have to follow to advance in the tariqa according to Um Sahl. I say Um Sahl because that is who is the shaykh of the women in many ways. We have little to no contact with the shaykh although we can hear his dars from our special enclosed balcony in the zawiya. We were constantly reminded of how lucky we were to be in the tariqa, as the shaykh did not want to give baya to women in the early days. Um Sahl was our savior - she got him to take us in so that we could take some of his wisdom and guidance for ourselves.

So these are some of the rules I can remember, both official and unofficial that you live by in Ktown.

1. The most important rule of Kharabsheh. Women must wear niqab at all times in Jordan. A lot of women don't follow this rule in reality. They only wear it in the neighborhood or in Amman. You are encouraged to tell on women who don't wear the niqab, or if you see someone not wearing it properly - more on that later. Every few months, Um Sahl or even the shaykh would have a lecture on this matter. (Women have a monthly session with the shaykh on Fridays). As the time went by, the rules about niqab and clothing got stricter.

Many sisters felt odd or silly next to the Qasid sisters who didn't have to follow the rules or who stopped following the dress rules, especially when Qasid moved to their new building. Also some women complained of being mistaken for Salafis, which in Jordan is sometimes not a good thing. One sister was taken by the authorities at the airport because they thought she was a Salafi and they grilled her about her politics and terrorism until they realized she wasn't a threat and let her go. So they started to follow the lead of Qasid women and stopped wearing the niqab and all black etc in some instances.

Recently stricter rules were laid down. Flowery hijabs and these things were always discouraged, but now it is a rule. No flowers, no stripes, no pretty colors like yellow or pink. Abayas or jilbabs can't have any embroidery, decorative buttons or sequins on them. If you have ever seen jilbabs in Jordan you know this is an impossible rule! Socks must be worn at all times, preferably in black (prior to this you didn't have to wear socks, because most of us were Hanafis).

Also, at this time, women started to be discouraged in their shoes and purses. No pretty colors, no patterns, no flowers, no butterflies and things like that. Shoes should be black or navy or brown and practical looking. Arab women wore heels, but the sturdy teacher kind. The foreigners (that's us) wore regular flats and sandals.

Finally, the abaya or jilbab must come away from your body the length of a handspan. That is about 5 inches on each side. It is impossible for some sisters to find abays or jilbabs this big - Jordanian jilbabs are not very baggy. They are fashionable but loose, still showing a feminine shape but in no way hugging your body. It became hard on many women to find approved clothing and they started to wear the big Egyptian khimars to cover up "tight" jilbabs that didn't pass the handspan test. These types of hijabs are not popular in Jordan either, but conveniently Um Sahl has a friend who makes and sells these that you can buy them from! With these types of hijabs and the niqabs, the women now look very Salafi and somewhat foreign to the Jordanians, and they stand out even more.

Now the rule is that even if you are not in the tariqa, you should wear niqab if you are in the neighborhood and if you live in the neighborhood but aren't in the tariqa, then you should wear niqab all the time in ALL of Jordan. How can they lay this rule and enforce it? Allahu alim. It seems like after the troubles of the last two years with the Qasiders they want them to move on and move out and move away. More isolation of the Kharabsheh people from the rest of the world. The world is a bad place, full of temptations, in Sh. Keller's view. I guess now that includes Muslims for them too!

With every rule that was put in effect, especially the ones about colors, khimars, embroidery, and the handspan, it became harder on the women. Many women were unhappy and feel like if the men can't control themselves at the sight of embroidery, then THEY are the one with the problem. Because the thing is that if you are a murid in America or England or Egypt or anywhere else but Jordan and Syria (and there aren't any murids in Syria), you can wear whatever you want as long as it is following the rules of hijab! Pink, flowers, skirts, tops, pants, heels, nice purses, embroidery -- you can wear all of that everywhere else and no one lectures you about how you're attempting to seduce the brothers of the tariqa with your flowery hijab. So really, living in Jordan with the tariqa is like being in the twilight zone.

What happens to women who don't follow the rules? The first time you go to the zawiya in improper dress, they might look the other way because you are new or a visitor. A lot of Qasiders come to visit and they're not murids. They want them to become murids, so they go easy on them. I remember a Qasider came in jeans and a barely-there hijab once and some of the hardcore murids were just about having heart attacks because of it. The second time you will be told, if you weren't already, about how to dress. The third time you will have to leave.Personally in my time there I saw women who broke the rules in big and small ways humiliated in front of the other women. Not like you were stood up and shamed in a circle but for example, Um Sahl would tell three sisters "Oh you know, that sister X has been wearing an abaya with red trim. It's so pretty. Too pretty. You have to wonder about people who don't want to follow the shaykh's rules on clothing and draw closer to Allah through their obedience."

Or if she walked by the sister she would say "What a pretty abaya, fit for a princess." That sounds innocent enough but the tone of voice, the look on the face, the smirk, all were a clear message to a woman to get rid of her abaya, as soon as possible.

Or she would see a sister with some friends and tell her, in front of them, "Your abaya is against the rules, you need to straighten up and follow the rules." So now a woman's friends were witness to her humiliation and also got the message that they would be treated the same if they didn't march in line.

The worst was to be caught not wearing niqab or to be complained about by a man.

I remember one woman had a light blue raincoat. It wasn't anything special. This lady was an average looking person and she had children. Her husband was a popular guy and well known that they were married. She stood out because she was the only person with the permission to not wear niqab. She always wore an abaya over her clothes. One day a man complained about her raincoat. He said the light blue color was alluring to him and the sister was called to Um Sahl who told her to stop wearing the coat. "You look like a Smurf" Um Sahl said to her.

That sister was so embarrassed but also outraged and told many people about it. A lot of women hate how the men have the power to humiliate them and get them in trouble with a few words, yet no one says anything. The men have all the power there.

People would be angry when a woman was told on by a man or by another woman, but that didn't mean that they stood up against tattle tales or against this way of doing things. Humiliation was how we were kept in line. There was a popular sister who hated niqab and she stopped wearing it. She wasn't a murid. Many people told Um Sahl on her and Um Sahl told her in the women's balcony that she had better start wearing it and she had no excuses. Why? I thought people who aren't murids means that they didn't take a baya to obey the shaykh? Everyone was angry about that too, but still, that didn't change the culture of tattling on rule "breakers".

Now, when you are caught breaking the rules on clothing, some people are cast out. I mean that the very top sisters, the popular murids who are very close to Um Sahl and Um Khayr will stop greeting you, they will not look at you, some of them will not invite you over. Some of them will lecture you about your clothes, but mostly they stop talking to you. One sister would make fun of peopel who don't wear big khimars and niqabs, saying that "You're walking around naked! Wait till the brothers get a look at you!"

That's the most important rule from the rule book. And here our story ends.


Um AH